I'm glad ordinary people are familiarizing themselves with incel rhetoric. I hope it will bring some attention to some psychological entitlement issues that are more common than one would expect.
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While single, I pretty frequently dealt with men who thought I owed them sex because they weren't mass murderers. I still deal with men who say things that suggest they think I'm a waste of space because I'm not available for sex.
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I never attacked or shamed anyone for this kind of behavior because I sensed that they were just very lonely. I let a lot of bad behavior slide, because I don't believe in turning everything into a crime, especially in an age where someone's entire life can get ruined so easily.
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I have no regrets, except I wish I'd tried to discuss the issue more thoroughly with the guys. I wish I had tried to put them in my shoes. Sometimes I tried to help them figure out what wasn't working for them, but it almost always backfired and I came off as a bitch.
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I've had guy friends who viewed women as some kind of magical mystery items that could be "obtained", or saw women only as the woman's relationship to them. They don't mean to dehumanize women-- I'm not really sure where that mentality comes from. It's a form of opportunism.
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I've just tried to do my part to be a grounded, sympathetic, vulnerable but not fragile human, always available if someone needs to talk. One of my favorite questions to ask guys about their dream girl is "what's she like?".
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Some guys answer that question with stuff about her looks, how she dresses. So I say "What's she LIKE, though?" That makes them think about it. And if I get a dating sim type answer ("She's funny/serious/bossy!") I ask what she'd like to do for a living.
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I wish all guys in that boat had a friend like me instead of a forum full of anonymous guys feeding into each other's angry energy. It's so easy to feel like the world is cheating you, especially when you have an entire gender as a scapegoat.
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Take it from a former hot girl: the line between an incel and a guy who believes in "friendzoning" is very thin.
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And for the record, no matter WHAT you look like, as an adult, it's a lot harder to make real friends than to find dates.
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