it’s really disheartening knowing that i’m the biggest pile of trash both physically and mentally. it really rains on my parade and makes being happy an incredibly difficult charade. in a little bit I think i’ll finally reunite with my blade.
Perhaps you can take painkillers? There are also special rollers you can buy for pain, which really work, like this: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0056PRKJI/ref=sspa_dk_detail_3?psc=1&pd_rd_i=B0056PRKJI&pd_rd_wg=mOUx0&pd_rd_r=B7ZN87CXQNE4TQ11V1EV&pd_rd_w=CtUvU …
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As for suicide, it's best to imagine that, for as long as you're alive you can kill yourself, but once you're dead you can't live again. And you never know, life might get better. So it's best to stay alive. That way the option of both living and dying is always open to you.
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I don’t have the desire to live now, and if I’m dead i’m glad I wouldn’t have the option bc decisions are hard af and cause so much anxiety anyways
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it’s mostly pain from extra vertebrae in my back along with otherwise manageable shit but oh well. prescribed stuff would help if I had the $ and if I weren’t so fucked up in the head that I wouldn’t just stash them away to kms at a later date
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