This might be a consequence of our general attention-management processes. If we pay too much attention to the benign and stable, we will miss the surprises and threats. That said, I'm a big fan of framing our disagreements with common ground.
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How does one get the other to think deeper? How does one get someone to trust this process? So many “arguments” in a relationship could actually be productive and fun.
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That's true but also a bit alien to me. I want to understand how this world works. And that's not impacted one bit by what I believe. Challenging my beliefs in discussions with people I disagree with leads to better understanding. Fortunately that's also how science works :-)
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Similar to Gottman's 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions for successful marriages. A positive is worth only about 20% of a negative. We give these negatives too much power and the positives not enough.
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It's like the shops - you get a good deal, you tell a couple of friends. You get stiffed, you tell everyone.
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That is because intellectual superiority is paramount. I have known folks who have said - if you think this way, I refuse to speak to you. That is not disagreement, that is a disapproval. A tacit assumption of a judge and thus superiority.
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Yes. The possibility of being wrong is unbearable.
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Nah, I totally disagree.
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We are going to have to angrily agree to pleasantly disagree, on this one.
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