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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    Today I pulled a muscle in my thigh when I squatted to take a photo. I turn 40 in 2 months. Is this it? Is this how it starts?

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  2. prije 7 sati

    People who don't smoke or drink. What are you? Like fond of yourself?

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  3. Establish dominance by asking them to throw out your popsicle stick by saying "this is the dry end" but hand them the wet end.

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  4. I'm typing 'I registered my business today' and AC changes business to boobs and that really is not a bad idea. Thanks AC

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  5. Me: *singing* Monday, Monday. Lol, I gotchu 😬 Milk: bitch, you thought lol

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  6. 3. velj

    [ playing Scrabble ] HER: Q-U-O-K-K-A... That's 70 points ME: Stop cheating HER: It's a marsupial ME: Those aren't real HER: They live in Australia ME: You can't use stuff from Harry Potter

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  7. People are so quick to rip apart the long boobs they see on Twitter, but I just saw long ass cheeks moving independently of each other at a rapid rate and this is no way to start my week

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  8. 11:37pm~ My brain: *whining like a little bitch* take me to bedddd. I'm tiiiireddd Me:*complies* 1:40am~ My brain: ...

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  9. 28. sij

    never ever get in between a man and his power jorts

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  10. 26. sij

    If ya girl got a flat ass, you still gotta rub it. Just act like you’re washing dishes.

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  11. Now we fade.

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  12. 20. sij

    You're funny... Who hurt you?

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  13. What’s your favourite catcall? mine’s “Spspspspspspspspspsp here kitty kitty”

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  14. Shakira and JLo are out here proving that thick thighs, birthing hips, and a peachy ass are sexy as fuck. I said what I said.

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  15. Sunday morning ~ Me: i need to1 get started on that business plan thingy mabob *smokes joint cleans house* Sunday afternoon ~ Me: ok for real now! BusiNESs PlAN! *smokes joint twitters* 10pm Sunday night~ Me: ima smash that BP now! *smokes joint twitters*

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  16. So I'm watching all these hot women dancing around and another one is singing and all I can think is I'm just glad she keeps saying her name in her song to remind me who she is

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  17. 2. velj

    Putin implies the existence of a Pullout.

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  18. 2. velj

    Me: Grl, your hair sooo soft! Pavlov’s Daughter: I condition it.

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  19. 2. velj

    Be fucking nice.

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  20. PSA: Tips and hemp papers do not biodegrade in 2 days.

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  21. When I’m 93 I don’t wanna look back and wonder if maybe I didn’t show my ass to enough people when it was still kinda somewhat cute.

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