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Please....
Just got a call informing me I'm not allowed to enjoy the beautiful sunset cause of shitty audition I had.
Before Facebook & Twitter thoughts were just thoughts. Now I can post them and have people mad at me for them.
I don't have cable anymore, so I kind of sort of understand what it means when comedians do jokes w/ @midnight.
There's gotta be bigger joys for me in life than just getting out of things, but maybe not.
I had to think for a long time if I talked to anyone in person today… ordering my latte count?
When my mother describes someone as having a sad sad life cause they've never been married it's a reminder to not feel so good about mine.
Sasha Grey let me sit near her! http://instagram.com/p/uEhCsBy_fW/
I told my neighbor she reminds me of the lead-in girl gone and she got mad at me for spoiling the movie
At party, wanna leave but would seem rude, so instead I'll stay and tweet constantly I wanna leave, yeah that's not rude.
Feeling uncomfortable and antisocial at this party I keep going to the bathroom pretending I OD'ed.
I love how Facebook has those birthday reminders of what parties you weren't invited to.
Love this new app that lets you see the people, things & scenery in your immediate vicinity.
After like a 15 year break went back to being a stand-up only cause now it makes sense that I'm depressed.
A lady friend asked why @thebonnierotten would use that last name. I said she's a porno star . what name she gonna use- Bonnie Rosenberg?
All of you who have a friend because they make you feel normal by comparison, someone else is using you for that same reason.
I justify seeing online porn as research I need to do to to know a lot about porn.
Maybe if I were deeply in debt I could land some of those roles Nicolas Cage gets.
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