Tim Warren (is a one man protest against mornings)

@FredTweetzsche

Writes: stuff & nonsense. (Mostly nonsense.) Drawn to: , prose poems, the melan-comic, the Absurd. Works as: freelance copy/content writer/editor.

Falmouth, UK
Vrijeme pridruživanja: ožujak 2009.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    A SHORT PLAY FOR TWO ACTORS (ONE SHAVEN, ONE NOT) ACT 1. INT. PUB - AFTERNOON MAN sits down at bar, begins to stroke beard mysteriously. ACT 2. INT. PUB - NIGHT OTHER MAN (Having finally plucked up courage): Oi, do you mind? That's my beard. THE END

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  2. tonight, i will sit by the fireplace & marvel as Dickens transfigures Facts into Fancies & periodically, my gaze will be drawn to the window where the frantic flicker of flames within weds the falling flakes without & teaches me the splendor of knowing nothing at all

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  3. A story to set the imagination aglow*, as evening falls... *Like 's stories always do.

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  4. Matron was with joy when she discovered her favourites had found a way to leave the island & explore the ocean. She dreamed of the day they'd return, caked in salt & spilling tales of giant crabs & children with scales.

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  5. FRANTICS ROADSHOW (Sun, 8pm) Ordinary people with missing heirlooms have just 8 hours to desperately ransack their houses before a colourful team of antiques valuers leaves town. This week: The team considers a time limit rethink after a third straight Frantics No-show.

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  6. LATELY I have my suspicions that I am living in someone else's fantasy I wish they'd wake up… (prompt: ) (prompt: horror)

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  7. In other news… A new name for Britain is to be debated in Parliament next month, after a petition to rename post-Brexit Britain Island reached 100,000 signatures. Other names likely to be on the agenda include: Nigel, Even-Greater Britain, Poundland, and Dave.

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  8. 3. velj

    We meet once a century for tea. "Time unspools in January, the Monday of the year," you declaim. "We're born, grow toward the memory of the sun, & perish as February lingers in the vestibule." A peacock sings an aria. "Have some sani-tea." I give you an empty cup.

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  9. Rejected mental health awareness campaign mascots, since the 1980s: The Sanity Manatee Mental Elf Mindfulness Moose Deputy Dopamine Rational Rabbit Unstable Mabel The Nervous Tick OC⚡️DC General Anxiety Bozo The Phobia Clown

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  10. 31. sij

    The feather thinks it wise to shed the bird. Mistaking gravity for updraft, it spins blindly towards the copper mud it supposed a dawn. Down, down, a thin tail-spin in the soaring shadow of the wing it leaves behind. 🇪🇺

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  11. 31. sij

    Our future is . Oh yes, the earth will bloom hot pink as it burns.

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  12. 1. velj

    I throw away the , speak from the heart: 'Hello. My age is the ultimate answer. My hair scares the people in the shop. If I were a T-Rex, I'd worry each time I had to sit on those eggs. Thank you for inviting me. I know very little about entropy, or parenting.'

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  13. To his parents' dismay, the child star had begun rebelling against his upbringing, even openly experimenting with spontaneity. -You're ruining your career! -Yes, and? -That's it, I've had about enough of your improv, young man! Go to your room!

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  14. THE ODDITY Every morning, Dawn awakes rosy-fingered (but so far has yet to experience any such problems with her toes). * The doctor is at a loss. But suggests that she avoid reading any more Homer, for now — and absolutely no Kafka at all.

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  16. In other albatross news: (I open up the Guardian app and... Yup. Albatross 🤨 Sigh. Probably expect more episodes of The Disagreeable Albatross then, I guess! 🙃)

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  17. 31. sij

    Who else has tried this? 🤣

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  18. There should never be extra. This is the way our lives are built and maintained; for there to be something extra means that an aspect of the world is catastrophically misplaced. It is impossible; it is derangement. Place it back or we shall die. Place it back or we shall die.

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  19. 30. sij

    ”LADIES! GENTLEMEN! The AMAZING, TREMENDOUS, JOE THE STRONGMAN!” The ring mistress opens her arms wide. At the microphone, Joe’s biceps glisten under the lights. “Sometimes I am afraid and I feel alone,” he says. The crowd is ecstatic. Backstage, the canisters rattle.

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  20. 30. sij

    When we get home, there's an person, one we don't like. We put the shopping away. We cook dinner. The person is still there, in the fridge, under the bed, in all the cracks. They say: ask it what it wants. But we don't want to talk to it now, or to each other.

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