And, by the way, you can’t always know someone’s sexuality or gender even by knowing them closely for a long time. ‘Anyone might be a secret queer’ may sound like a stretch but not really if you think that almost every queer person was once secretly queer.
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As someone whose relationship is probably always read as ‘straight’ by strangers, an assumption that I find deeply hurtful, I don’t want to have to explain why I use gender-neutral language to people who could be hostile. That stuff puts people and their partners at risk.
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I get the ‘straight people normalising queer language isn’t queer’ take but queer people having to out themselves and their partners constantly or face gatekeeping is not safe or good. Sorry if being closeted/not being visibly queer isn’t ‘queer enough’ I guess but
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A scenario: a straight teen girl is in relationship with someone who comes out to her as a trans girl but she isn’t ready to be visibly trans. Both parties risk being rejected by their parents. The trans girl asks to be ‘partner’ instead of ‘boyfriend’ bc of dysphoria.
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Amid the stress and dysphoria of hiding her gender, now both parties are asked by their friends, even their queer friends, ‘why do you say partner when you’re straight?’ and some say ‘you shouldn’t do that if you’re straight it’s homophobic’. Do you see why gatekeeping is bad?
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‘Normalising queerness isn’t queer.’ Okay. Is policing queerness queer? I just don’t think it is
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This - all of this. It feels like yet another way of erasing or outing non-binary folks, bi folks, and trans folks. Not to mention that it forces women in long-term, unmarried straight relationships to use infantilizing terms like boyfriend for someone who is much more.
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All of this
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What’s fundamentally bad about cis hetero couples calling each other partners?
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Honestly I can’t come up with anything
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