And because also it is in fact what you expect everyone to hear. And these things are even pervasive in everyday life. Telling a story at work becomes a fine line of exploiting your struggles for entertainment and also trying not to upset peoples sensibilities.
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Replying to @CALJr8760 @FilmCritHULK
I can tell people the story of our crack addicted landlord who was naked and attacking my mother, but if I get too much into my father killing himself or when we were homeless I can sense the burden I’ve placed upon them despite how integral these things are to who I am.
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Replying to @CALJr8760 @FilmCritHULK
Telling someone how hard you work is due to the positive role models in your life is perfectly acceptable, but the same can’t be said when your motivation is the fear of everything around you will come crumbling down the moment you stop, which ultimately just leads to burnout.
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Replying to @CALJr8760 @FilmCritHULK
And that encapsulates just how pervasive this mentality is at all times. I can’t make a story about superheroes or wizards without feeling the need to inject themes of poverty, nuerodivergence, mental health, or being trans and it’s even worse in real life.
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Replying to @CALJr8760 @FilmCritHULK
Just today I had a terrible moment at work where I let my guard downand. Someone at work who I didn’t know was bi mentioned their gaydar, and I questione if they were gay jokingly and immediately realized how awful that comes off as someone who is perceived as a straight man.
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Replying to @CALJr8760 @FilmCritHULK
It’s the type of playfulness I have at home because I am queer, but at work I’m constantly filtering everything I say because I can’t afford to be outed as trans and bi in that environment. And that carries over to the people I’m out to as well.
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Replying to @CALJr8760 @FilmCritHULK
I constantly try to avoid talking about being trans too much. Just this Mother’s Day I found myself being explosive about minor things, because I didn’t want to openly admit I was upset about no one wishing me Happy Mother’s Day, because I didn’t feel deserving of it.
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Replying to @CALJr8760 @FilmCritHULK
And all these things are so entwined into the experience and yet are most definitely not all of it. Because there is joy with the pain, and joy from the pain, and especially joy without it. Because the human experience is complex, and without that joy, we’d all just give up
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Replying to @CALJr8760 @FilmCritHULK
Watching shows like Shameless are great in having something that connects to you in a way most films and shows don’t, but they of course don’t fully capture your experiences in the same way you can still relate to shows about rich people.
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Replying to @CALJr8760 @FilmCritHULK
I feel like I’m rambling at this point, but I just wanted to repeat how much I loved this essay and appreciate how well you constantly break down these complex issues, especially as it better helps me evaluate my writing and others.
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Thank you for all these thoughts and more <3
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