And it manifested in a constant fear. A fear that's just trapped in your bones and it feeds a whole series of feedback loops and denial and realizations and the constant wrestling with THE THING YOU KNOW IS TRUE.
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But I just want to say I know that one specific fear so deep in my bones. And when I read about this, the palpable fear seizes up my entire body. Suddenly, I'm in elementary school again. And I've had been all day.
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I don't know if anyone else identifies with this or knows that feeling. There's a lot I'm still trying to grapple with, understand, and understand how this has effected me in so many different ways.
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I'm always worried I'm saying or doing the wrong thing, or not understanding something important, or not valid. But that's all a part of the same fear, maybe. And I guess showing the pervasive reality of that fear is all I want to convey.
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To everyone who is afraid in their bones, you are loved. To those who show courage out in the everyday world, you are freakin' heroes. And to those who don't see the big deal of all this, you can, quite simply, fuck off forever. <3
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OH! The other homophobic component you have to understand is the AIDS crisis. Not just because out it was identified as a "gay disease," but in how much anger there was at gay people for bringing it into the "normal" population and them "needing" to have safe sex now... yeah.
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End of conversation
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