I have the deepest, most abiding jealousy of people who can just “go to sleep” without their brain turning it into an ordeal for hours and hours. This has been my whole damn life.
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not a good combo because it means I can essentially let myself get off my late phase so damn easily, which not only impacts life schedule but doesn't refresh me the same way it does for people who only suffer from that one. Couple this with "racing thoughts"...
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which is basically something you develop as a kid when you're effectively going numb / sharklike to combat would be depression / anxiety that would be present if you could connect to your emotions. Essentially, it's a method of trying to "outthink" the approach of dread and fear
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Which just creates more spirals. Eventually this system crashes, depression and anxiety arrive and become diagnosed later in life, and exacerbate said system. Now, the nuclear bomb is when insomnia gets in the mix and it does happen when all of this sort of goes wild
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And it basically becomes a nightmare of fuzzy waking dream. I've had this on and off throughout life. I've seen doctors. I've tried everything. Please please please don't tell me about how maybe there's some magical thing I'm missing. I've been through this so so so many times.
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This is something I understand better than anyone else possibly could about me. The point of this whole shebang, is to reach out to people who are experiencing it / something like it or know people who are, and say "I get it." <3
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I talked to my doctor about 'delayed sleep phase' & asked if I was fucked in the head because it's always been impossible for me to fall asleep before midnight, & he said a lot of that thinking is based on outdated research (circa 1970s). he told me about this sleep doctor --
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who says there are 4 'chronotypes'/sleep types, & it sounds like you might be a dolphin (hopefully this feels validating 'cause that's my intention)https://www.telegraph.co.uk/health-fitness/mind/are-you-a-dolphin-or-a-lion-the-best-time-to-wake-eat-sleep-exer/ …
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