I have the deepest, most abiding jealousy of people who can just “go to sleep” without their brain turning it into an ordeal for hours and hours. This has been my whole damn life.
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Please dont recommend medications and other things. Ive tried everything. Trust me. My brain fights against horribly and just excerbates it while making my body go haywire.
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The only thing that genuinely works is alcohol, and for obvious damn reasons I don’t want to go down that road. Have even had times where I have. Nothing good comes from it.
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I exercise a ton. Meditation. All of it. I do everything Im supposed to. Its just that brain cant shut off. And I just want to shout to the void and say “this genuinely sucks!” And that at least feels good enough for the moment.
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Everyone keeps offering suggestions and help. As if theres some mysterious thing Im doing wrong. Some key that will make work! I get the good intentions, but Ive been going through this for decades and decades, folks. What I want is for it just to just be understood and believed.
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Replying to @FilmCritHULK
I feel you. And I can relate. Everything you said was spot on. Alcohol definitely helps but not something I want to completely rely on either. It truly sucks.
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