I have the deepest, most abiding jealousy of people who can just “go to sleep” without their brain turning it into an ordeal for hours and hours. This has been my whole damn life.
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And to be clear. Yes, I've seen doctors and sleep specialists. Diagnosis is a combo of fairly standard sleep disorders, the problem is they way they crash together. Got a basic case of Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome which crashes with capacity for Non-24 hour sleep wake disorder -
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not a good combo because it means I can essentially let myself get off my late phase so damn easily, which not only impacts life schedule but doesn't refresh me the same way it does for people who only suffer from that one. Couple this with "racing thoughts"...
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which is basically something you develop as a kid when you're effectively going numb / sharklike to combat would be depression / anxiety that would be present if you could connect to your emotions. Essentially, it's a method of trying to "outthink" the approach of dread and fear
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Which just creates more spirals. Eventually this system crashes, depression and anxiety arrive and become diagnosed later in life, and exacerbate said system. Now, the nuclear bomb is when insomnia gets in the mix and it does happen when all of this sort of goes wild
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And it basically becomes a nightmare of fuzzy waking dream. I've had this on and off throughout life. I've seen doctors. I've tried everything. Please please please don't tell me about how maybe there's some magical thing I'm missing. I've been through this so so so many times.
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This is something I understand better than anyone else possibly could about me. The point of this whole shebang, is to reach out to people who are experiencing it / something like it or know people who are, and say "I get it." <3
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End of conversation
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Do you have a diagnosis from a sleep disorder specialist? Are you trying to get one?
Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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Oh jeez I relate to this a LOT. That assumption that, because they don't fully understand the problem, that you've missed a step, or that you're doing it wrong, or that you're not taking it seriously enough.
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It can at times be oddly antagonistic at times. I've met people who've become outwardly upset at me because, in their eyes, I'm not taking their advice seriously. Others who mean well can become distant, because that "not knowing how to help" makes it awkward to be around you.
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I believe you, why are you frustrated that people want to help? It’s not our fault if the advice doesn’t work.
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Because you arent listening to me. You can understand me speaking from decades of this cycle, right?
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