Thread Re: Anxiety - ah, depression's tricky pal. For years, I was able to take the stresses of life. Anxiousness was just a human emotion. A little buzz. Then I got to know people who had anxiety and I learned so damn much. But you still don't really understand it. You can't.
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What triggered it? Easy. I have lunch plans today and I still feel kind of full. Seriously, that's it. This boring, insipid, completely normal life detail sent my stupid body into a system-wide panic. And sometimes it takes NOTHING.
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That's the nature of these things. Traumas, even traumas of your own creation, just throw a wrench into your operating system. They fuck up a perfectly normal functioning thing. And some people have this happen since birth. They only know that reality.
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And to admit "i sometimes don't feel like a functioning person," to a society that functions very, very differently, is fucking terrifying. The shame of f eeling different and letting people down and being a bother on top of the horrible feeling itself.
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I understand wanting to hide the bad moments of mental health issues. People sure talk about empathy, but they have no idea what to do with it. And it is terrifying to be seen as "unreliable" that people often go through life wage a secret battle amidst the functioning.
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So I write words about it. It's all I know how to do, really. To name it. Recognize it. And remove its overwhelming unknowability. But ultimately, all I have is insane, outrageous, incalculable empathy for the people who experience it. <3
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End of conversation
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