Today, Anthony Bourdain gave me the courage to write about the misunderstandings of suicide, a deeply-personal subject:http://observer.com/2018/06/anthony-bourdain-suicide-and-grace/ …
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I don't know how to explain this, but I am now finally cleaning my kitchen and it is good. Time to get to work.
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I'm still thinking about all this a lot. It's a weird thing to get to meet your heroes, and for them to be generous with their time. And that's the thing that sticks out, I wouldn't call it kindness, but this kind of generosity to those moments. It all felt so generous.
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And I think there's a big difference between those two words, kindness and generosity, and I've been thinking about it a lot.
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Also, a cry for help is like... not a fake thing. If someone talks about considering suicide, then yeah, maybe they *don't* want to go through with it and that's the whole fucking point. America's mental health literacy and systems are so abysmal.
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I'm not afraid to admit I've thought about it and you know what's stopped me? I'd miss the latest MCU film. Seriously it's all "Well I'll never know how Avengers 4 ends if I die now"
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I have literally had my life saved because someone called me since it was such a beautiful day and they wanted to have a coffee with me on a patio.
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I dedicate my upcoming book to this same person in my life.
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In my midtwenties I was a mess. In a moment of clarity I realized it wasn't going to get better. I made up my mind to end it. I would have to, but I accidentally turned the TV on. It was playing a Night at the Opera. I watched it and the pain was a little better.
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The awful debt industry in my country saved my life, I couldn't risk failing an attempt because my parents wouldn't be able to afford it and my debt wouldn't die with me. I couldn't convince my existence was good, but I knew it was less bad than eternal debt.
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...the fear of what people (my parents) might think when they come across my toybox has been a Thing in the past. Speaking of absurd and silly.
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