He gave a gift you and you do not realize the strength it took for him to give it. And while I beat my chest and shout to the fucking rooftops about how this has happened. There is the part of me that... simply knows. And is so proud that he made it this long.
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While it would be nice to end on that poeticism, a few notes of practicality.
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1. Linking to Suicide Prevention Hotlines is all well and good, but, and I can only speak from my own experience, it's like bringing a BB gun to a nuclear war. They can be good in that they get you talking, but most people don't come back to them after the initial flirtations.
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2. Don't get freaked out by suicide. It has nothing to do with what you do or don't do, and instead the internal battles the someone is dealing with. So often, the biggest thing someone needs to do is express the feeling without feeling like a goddamn alien for doing so.
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I.E. I finally expressed to a friend one night over drinks and he looked me dead in the eye and said "Well... if you do can I have your TV?" and it was a joke I needed to hear and I will be forever thankful
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3. If you do want to help out with someone who you know is struggling or you suspect is struggling, reach out in the most casual ways. Say you should get lunch, get them to put something on the calendar. Just fill with normalcy.
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And give the space to talk if they want to. You don't need to be a superhero, or a therapist, or even a BFF, just be yourself, and invite them into the world you share. It's not only all you can do, its more than you can imagine.
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And lastly, what's funny is that as I write all this, I'm realizing the last gift that Tony has given me, which is finally giving me the courage to talk about this subject so nakedly, honestly, and purposefully... Ha. That fucking bastard.
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Note: I ended up having to not only write about this, but Bourdain too. Column submitted and going up soon.
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Replying to @FilmCritHULK
hey, thanks. i'm too shy to rt but this thread means a lot to me. thank you for being open about this. living with chronic suicidal thoughts is incredibly difficult but i really appreciate everything you do, and i hope you have more happy moments.
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