Suicide, or that which wishes not to be named, is a beast beyond most's comprehension. But it's like sleeper agent, placed in your brain long ago by things beyond your control. After years of confidence and not being able to connect to it, it can suddenly come online.
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It's not just the usual triggers: depression, anxiety, fear, addiction, inescapable guilt, it can be the strangest and oddest things, too. And the most terrifying part of suicide is how it suddenly goes from being unthinkable, to the easiest thing in the world.
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The simplest, most elegant solution a problem that is beyond obvious and beyond solving any other way. And so suddenly, your life becomes about managing this constant, evergreen impulse. I cannot explain what it means to go through 60% of a given day fighting the very thought.
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Just know you aren't alone in feeling this, nor are you wrong for feeling it. The feeling is a human one. And one you are allowed to have.
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