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Friend: How's that girl? Me: good, we've been texting a bit. Friend: oh yea? Me: well, I send her texts and then she doesn't respond.
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once someone told me I looked like a buddah with my shirt off, another time someone told me I looked like gollum. can’t win.
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My therapist says my one true love will know this without me shouting it btw.
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I’M A GOD DAMNED FUCKING CATCH. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
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I guess there's a slim shady in all of us
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Oh to be young again. DTLA is now a hipster shitfest , we were so early !https://twitter.com/avrillavigne/status/870726547472297984 …
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oh no. bars in LA can now be open until 4am. please don’t let this mean I have to stay up past 11pm on Friday nights.
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this is absolutely fucking geniushttp://whereswallace.theringer.com
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Why didnt god make it so that eating donuts had the same effect on your body as going to the gym ?

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I'm pretty good at a handful of things, asking a girl out at the airport is not one of them.

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That was the best €49 continental breakfast I've ever had (srs)
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way out on Grapples. don’t fuck with what is already perfect
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Anyone know when Cinco de Mayo is this year?
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anyone in Napa wanna be my dinner date [I’m buying]
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I'm giving fire financial advice right now on my ig: bigevil
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When the manager of the restaurant brings you two free desserts and you're like (ughhhh I don't want this)
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don't worry that wasn't about you
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My ex says she gave me the best years of her life, I saw a recent picture of her, I guess she was right
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