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I get to the end of this day and I hate looking back at every decision and action I chose to make today was exactly the wrong decision. F minus
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I definitely get an F minus for this day.
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Me: Alexa, play ASMR birth sounds. Alexa: I decline in the strongest possible terms
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So apparently, bad fan art celebrity photoshops is a genre of media that is my favorite thing now. Can't stop laughing. My paramedic wife is taking my vitals every two minutes while I continue to scroll


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15 minutes into March and the electricity goes out.. good omens?
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Do I remember when I joined Twitter? Twitter does!
#MyTwitterAnniversary
pic.twitter.com/7NhwDFi0kB
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Brooklyn Nine Nine is ending next year. I've had a sick feeling in my gut that this was coming. A big part of me hoped they would run for 9. RIP
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HEY!!!!! ANYONE WHO SEES THIS!!!! ALL 210 PEOPLSE THAT FOLLOW ME!! ITS
@spicytard 34th birthday today and we all wish Happy Birthday!!!!!
2
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Rocking a sweet sweet face bandage at work. Surprisingly, nobody has seemed to notice it yetpic.twitter.com/mG4yzmRT4W
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Cut my head open today. Tomorrow I will cut it back closed. Perhaps I should get looked at
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Got the covid vaccine this morning. Feeling good
Stay safe, stay healthyThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
Its gonna be good
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Been at work for not even 2 hours yet and my sass levels are HIGH. Stay Tuned.
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Guys!!! I don't know if you saw it but
@nbcbrooklyn99 got TWO references as categories on Alex Trebek's final episode of Jeopardy. I screamed out loud. For verification of these claims, ask my wife@ToriesARedPandaThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
My wife makes me a shopping list for while she is at work, complete with the exact instructions she knew I would call her about if I did not have them


pic.twitter.com/SiqMez8RVc
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I hate Trump so much. I vow this day that I will vilify him to my future children, no matter what happens tomorrow. I hope he loses SO much... this is my first tweet since May
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