Example 2: Every Friggin Time I Felt Attracted to a Girl in High School
While I had a loooot of sexual suppression going on (thanks to both heteronormativity and #purityculture), every so often I'd have this moment of clear sexual attraction to a girl, and then: ALARMS
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"THE DEVIL IS TRYING TO TEMPT ME. NO! GUARD YOUR MIND! I REJECT THAT SINFUL THOUGHT! YOU MAY BE TRYING TO LEAD ME ASTRAY, BUT I'M NOT FALLING FOR THAT! NO WAY!" Basically I felt a deep sense of shame and disgust, and suppressed that side of me even further.
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Example 3: Being turned on
Heh heh. Sometime in my late teens or early twenties, I noticed This Mysterious Thing where I'd feel turned on by erotic images of women in advertising (i.e. for underwear or perfume or whatever).
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How did I explain this one away? "Oh, I guess I just want to be the woman in the picture." Yep. That's literally what I thought. [narrator's voice] "Spoiler alert: It wasn't because she wanted to be the woman in the picture."
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Example 4: Sometimes I stared at pretty female strangers and I didn't know why. I first caught myself doing this in college. There were certain kinds of women that just made me feel ?%)#..!? wHaT iS ThIs fEeLiNg?! whY aM i sTaRiNg?!
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I thought at first I just admired them in a, "Oh, I like her hair" kind of way. But it was definitely something deeper than that. Finally I came up with the "explanation" that they seemed like interesting characters to me. You know, people I'd want to write about in a book.
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But this time... I didn't 100% convince myself. While I still didn't have a distinct thought like, "Maybe I'm actually queer," I was feeling the first kernel of doubt. I had a slight uneasy feeling that there was more beneath the surface. More that I wasn't ready to uncover, yet.
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Eventually, I wasn't able to run away anymore from that little nagging truth, that answer I'd always known deep, deep down, but still had to discover for myself.
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I went into an obsessive stage where I spent nearly every spare minute I had devouring books about "homosexuality" and the Bible, reading articles and people's stories on the topic, and listening to podcasters like
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I finally got the point where I was googling "Am I bisexual?" so frequently that it affected my algorithm, and I started getting queer-related ads on Instagram and Pinterest. That was... interesting.
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This last bit resonates with me finally acknowledging I'm trans. You're amazing, btw, and I'm glad we got to meet!
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Replying to @EmilyGorcenski
You are amazing too, and totally badass and courageous and I worry about you sometimes with your activism but it looks like the Nazis are losing so KEEP UP THE GOOD IMPORTANT WORK. I am also so glad we got to meet in person! Before things went to shit too

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