During the Vietnam War, draftees had to serve one tour, basically. Some went back for more. Volunteered.
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I never really knew why. I figured it was some patriotic thing, or maybe a sense of self-sacrifice, or machismo, or something.
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But there's this other side that I get now. Sometimes you don't want to leave the war zone.
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On July 4, I was on a rooftop in Berlin, having a party. Knowing that I was heading home to something dark.
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I'd love to get back to that. I'm not sure if I ever can.
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I know that this is trauma speaking. I'm speaking it because I know that I have to speak it if I ever have a chance to get back there.
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End of conversation
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I spoke to a multi-tour VV >20 yrs ago. He went back 3x(!) (despite deep guilt) because he felt obligated to the buddies he left there.
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Kinda like the beginning of Apocalypse Now. He wants nothing more than to go back to the jungle. The home he left doesn't exist anymore.
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