I feel like yogurt viscosity is something I want to remain within say 1 standard deviation of the mean
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This is a feature of the Trump era, isn't it. Pointless superlatives to invent exceptionalism. High infant mortality, but thick yogurt!!
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I have always had a similar issue with the DQ Blizzard.
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Greek yogurt is trendy and thickness is one of its distinctive attributes.
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Because then it's more like ice cream/pudding. You can also charge more for it b/c of the extra whey that is drained off.
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