Emily GVerified account

First, @notcolloquial had nothing to do with me deactivating. They had misguided but otherwise fair criticism. They’re misguided because they refuse to acknowledge the pattern of harassment, but they’re fine.

I deactivated because I was being targeted with racist harassment that brought up a deeply painful part of my past: the denial of my racial heritage and minimizing of the experiences I have had with that, and the hurtful ways my relationship with my family has ended.

I already apologized for my drone comment, and I reaffirm that apology.

That said, any discourse about this must necessarily include the following: - my comment was made in absurd frustration over a *lie* about me that continues to be told. This doesn’t make the comment OK. I am also due equal consideration for what has been a two-year campaign.

These lies are deeply hurtful. Some of them include: - that i was or am employed by the military; this is false - that i built munitions; this is false - that my work has killed anyone or been used to kill anyone; this is false

I worked for an SBIR contractor. Some of that money came from the DoD. None of my projects went into production on any weapons platform. I left the job when I realized the entire program was corporate welfare.

I have never hidden this past, nor have I bragged about it. I have pointed out that the trans military ban is morally wrong on all its facial arguments.

I left that job years ago. If you don’t think that my transparency and work in the intervening time, that’s fine. Nothing will satisfy you when what you want to do is harass, and I’m unbothered by that. Harassers, however, are not on my side.

What does disturb me, however, in a way that has me deeply reconsidering my role, is the racism and transphobia in the movement. This is not limited to today’s campaign but today has put the icing on the cake.

I have been bullied my entire life for my race and denied the ability to argue for my own defense. This denial of my lived experiences is continuous and mendacious. It is abusive and hurtful.

More hurtful is that of all the people who berated me for being insufficiently comradely, none actually engaged with the racism.

This denial of experience ranges from tankies here denying my race, to the charlottesville organizers who pulled my access to legal funds because I was planning to attend UTR armed, sending a clear message my life didn’t matter.

But under all this, we need to talk about how my *transparency* about my past has led to sustained harassment, including false allegations, for me sharing things that people *agree with*

No one in the “valid criticism” club has addressed why it’s acceptable to engage in targeted harassment by spreading lies when I share things that people *agree with*

It’s one thing to criticize me dor a bad take. It’s another to start a dogpile because I said something agreeable but you decide I’m not good enough to say it so you spread lies? That’s ok leftist behavior? Gonna do some thoughtful critiquing on that?

No, I didn’t expect you would. Nor do I expect that you’ll come to my defense when my race is literally denied three times in the same thread.

Those things hurt, and while my comment was callous and out of line, it was absolutely not equivalent to death threats, exhortations to suicide, or outright racism.

And I will not be gaslit into thinking that a shitty comment in frustration to someone spreading a two year old lie is akin to having a material impact on the world and worthy of racial harassment and outright lies.

These frustrations have been building up for a while. I’m sorry I let them boil over, but I’m also due a proper hearing on them, one that hasn’t come.

As a result, I’m stepping back. I’m continuing my work on First Vigil and my other projects, but I am going to try to step back my engagement here.

Whatever that looks like, I don’t know. What i do know is I’m blocking because those demanding an apology aren’t the ones hurt and they don’t actually seem to care about it, they just seem to want internet points.