But I had very much internalized the whole submissive wife thing, so I just thought - I'll have to marry someone who's even MORE leaderly than me! Someone who's even MORE strong-willed and confident than me!
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Of course, now that sounds like a disaster of a marriage waiting to happen. But at the time, I knew that I'd have to deeply respect a man. Otherwise... submission? From me? That would be impossible.
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Now, enter in
attraction
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There was a certain kind of guy I was drawn to at that time. He was usually: - quiet, even aloof - suuuper masculine, but in a polished, old-timey, wears-bowties-and-fedoras way - probably outdoorsy - wears leather jackets - HAS A MOTORCYCLE?
- intellectual
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But then, the strangest thing happened. After I dropped the whole garbage idea of gender roles, realized I was bisexual, and became a feminist, the kinds of people I was attracted to... actually... CHANGED??
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Suddenly I realized, the motorcycle-and-bowtie guy wasn't my type at all. The kinds of guys I was attracted to were: - emotionally intelligent - compassionate - soft, gentle - (yes, still intellectual) - even physically smaller?? - not initiators or super leaderly?? What?
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It weirded me out, but it couldn't be denied. This NEW attraction to guys was far stronger than it ever had been before. And NOW. Like, JUST NOW, tonight, I figured out what was really going on.
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That first "type" I was drawn to was not a sexual or romantic attraction. It was me. All those things were ME. Who I wanted to be. How I wanted to dress. The kind of role I wanted in a relationship.
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I didn't want to date a guy with a motorcycle. I'd like to ride one MYSELF someday!! I didn't want to marry someone who dressed a certain way. That was MY style!! I could dress that way, even though I was a woman!
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I didn't want to be with someone who had lots of outdoorsy skills, who had the wind in his hair and the dirt under his nails. That's how I wanted to live!! That was me - the true me that was being suppressed by all those garbage gender roles.
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The image of you being a cute nomadic motorcycle queer is 
It is so awesome seeing you discovering and living your best life :)
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Replying to @EmilyGorcenski
Hehehehe all I'm missing is the motorcycle!
Yeah, and it motivates me to help others discover and live their best lives, too. Although I still don't completely know how to do that. I think stories help. They sure helped me. 
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