A year ago I made a decision that would change my life. I decided that the world needed to see Nazi violence, but not how the media would filter and digest it.
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Instead, hundreds showed up with alarming rapidity. And when they marched, the length of their formation and the violence of their chants became the sight I hoped never to see in my life. As they approached the lawn, the column occupied the entire panorama of my view.
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I wanted to get to the statue before then, so I ran around. And the students, oh god there were so few of them. I saw one person I knew, a local who joined hands with them, for comfort, for solidarity.
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“There’s a fucking lot of them,” I said. “I know,” he replied. “No you don’t, it’s a LOT.”
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I saw someone I thought I had met, but she just looked similar. I reached out to hug her but ended up briefly locking hands with someone else, horrified. As they came down the steps I tried to follow the front of their march. And then they surrounded us, and it shocked me.
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You can hear this in the FRONTLINE doc. “We are surrounded on all sides by hundreds of Nazis.” What I said next still gives me shivers.
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I saw a student I knew. I didn’t know what to do but I knew that whatever happened, maybe I could give her a chance to get out. How, where, I didn’t know. All I knew is that was where I belonged.
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What I heard them yelling at me, at all of us, was vile and violent and the stuff of nightmares. They were so hateful. And they were so fucking happy about it, too.
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My wife was watching along at home as the horror unfolded. All my thoughts were of her. When my phone got punched from my hand, I went back in to get it so she could know I was alive... if I were to survive.
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That night was historical. And anyone who saw that night knew that the next day should have never happened. Everything was preventable. We told them. The failed. They continue to fail.
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You can’t leave the trauma of terrorism behind you. It stays with you always. A year ago I discovered a courage i always hoped to have, and in the year since I discovered a different one I never knew I’d need.
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Today my friends and peers and comrades march against all forms of white supremacy, which included the police. I love them, and I wish I could be there with them. But a dear friend reminded me that this fight is long, and I can do my best work by staying alive and not giving up.
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A lot changes in a year, but one thing hasn’t changed: how much we must continue to fight. Fight white supremacy every day, and with every ounce of your soul.
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