I've been out of the country for two and a half weeks and the impact is measurable, even to others who regularly interact with me, both in-person and online. You may have noticed some of my content has changed. That's both deliberate and a consequence of my move.
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Things are really hard and scary in this world. I still look at the news in horror, wondering what can be done, what more I can do. There are definitely times when I feel like I fucked off and left it all behind, left other people to suffer. And maybe I did.
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But I have also taken a very violent Nazi movement head-on. And I have to be honest about the impact that's had on me. It's been more than just August. I've exposed several Nazis, including some in the US military.
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They've thrown a lot at me. I've been doxed, swatted, sued, and had property vandalized. None of it sticks. They've even come up with a fairy-tale about Eavesdropper Vehicles and imaginary hit squads from Philadelphia. Eventually they're going to take a real shot at me.
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I'm trans. I'm a woman. I'm Asian. Every day is a danger, even in Berlin. I'll never not walk down the street at night using reflections in shop windows and shadows from streetlights to watch my back. But I don't have to worry about the Nazis taking a shot at me right now.
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I can't describe how much of an impact this has had on my mental health. I'm gonna be honest here, and this is the content warning. There have been three times since August I've chambered a single bullet in my pistol and locked away the magazines.
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We need to take care of each other and see the struggles and realize that we all need each other if we're gonna get through this. Because not all of us get to fuck off to Berlin.
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I'm actively trying to use this space for something more than politics and fighting Nazis. I want to be actively and visibly proud of who I am. I want my story to be more than Charlottesville. I want to do the things I set out to do. I didn't set out to fight fascism.
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I sometimes criticize the leftist movement for being more there when it comes to the showdowns in the street but not being there for tending the metaphorical (and literal!) community garden. I can apply that criticism to myself, too.
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Taking on Nazis isn't even my best skill, which is saying something because goddamn do I live rent free in their heads. My beloved friend Veronica tells us to bring our best gifts to the struggle. So I'm gonna bring mine and start tending a garden or two.
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So I may be adding less political commentary going forward, and focus more on constructive examples of building a world where hierarchies and power structures don't keep us from those people and things we love. Never fear, I will still be taking on Nazis! But more other stuff.
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I love you all. Thank you for being there with me through all this.
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End of conversation
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I think you've done some amazing things, and you are an amazing person. I really hope they fail at any shot they take, and I especially hope they never get to take one.
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I appreciate you
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