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It doesn't help when parents buy into/perpetuate the whole, "You'll never have an intimate partner bc you're Autistic/Disabled" thing.
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And we know from all the things abled parents of Disabled kids write that we CANNOT escape that this is a first concern.
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Abled parent of Disabled kid: "When I learned that Sprog had [x condition], I was devastated." 1/
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Abled parent: "Would they ever be a productive member of society? Would they ever find love? Have a family of their own?" 2/2
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I have read that same thing over and over and over.
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Many different writers, basically exact same language.
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And okay, yeah, it's fair to be realistic about the fact that we live in an ableist world that infantilizes Disabled ppl.
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And that says Disabled ppl are unattractive romantic and/or sexual partners. I get that.
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But Disabled people are out here having tons of sex and making babies and falling in love and finding partners a lot.
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You don't have to teach your child that they're inherently unattractive and unworthy and will never have a partner just bc that's your fear.
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This (part of a thread off of this one): https://twitter.com/markiemywords/status/884112964428726274 …
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Like, before you start talking with your child about sex and relationships and intimacy and stuff, you really need to reckon w/your ableism.
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Your own ableism and assumptions. And then you can teach your child about respect and consent and sexual health.
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One pervasive problem is that a lot of Disabled kids, especially in "special ed" programs, don't get good sex ed.
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If they get sex ed at all. Because of assumptions about Disabled ppl and sexuality.
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Just. The other thing, a thing
@crippledscholar talked about, is the lack of consent here. -
And I think probably also this parent is weirdly infantilizing her son and limiting his competency.
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It's so strange to me that you would both initiate this on your own without the consent/expressed wishes of the person having the sex...
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... and that you would assume that's in any way justifiable.
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Being Autistic doesn't mean people can't initiate seeking sex on our own. Don't teach your kids that.
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Don't teach your Autistic children that they're at the mercy of random angels who might someday gift them sex.
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Teach your Autistic children about healthy relationships and enthusiastic consent and boundaries and respecting others.
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Let your Autistic children know it's okay if they never want to have sex.
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Teach your Autistic children to respect and support sex workers and justice for sex workers.
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Teach your Autistic (and otherwise Disabled) children about asserting their own boundaries and their innate right to bodily autonomy.
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Disabled people have just as diverse sexualities and genders as the rest of humanity. Respect that. Teach us to respect others.
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Don't pass on your unhealthy ideas about both Disability and sexuality to your kids. Do better.
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I was also thinking about this ties into all those advice books for non-Autistic ppl (women, usually) partnering Autistic men.
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And how they're all usually treating toxic masculinity as something just part of being Autistic.
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