Somehow "InCel" became a topic on Autistic Twitter again and I'm just rolling my eyes like COME THE FUCK ON.
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I get it. We're not all ace-spectrum and sexual health is important. I'm not gonna say, "Come on, you don't NEED sex."
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Some people do. But 1. Masturbation is an option. 2. You are not owed or guaranteed physical or emotional intimacy with anyone.
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3. Paying sex workers is an option, too. It's their job to help provide sexual release if that's a thing you need.
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4. Generally, if you're a man and ppl aren't sexually/romantically interested in you, it's not because you're Autistic.
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5. Yes, I KNOW ableism is a thing and some people do have weird ideas about being in relationships with Autistic ppl.
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6. Based on what I know as an Autistic woman-ish person abt Autistic men, tho, it's not that you're Autistic, it's that you're a shit.
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7. It's that you've internalized a lot of toxic masculinity and you're performing that and people tend to want to avoid that.
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8. As I have discussed before, being Autistic does not negate all of your other privilege or absolve you of reckoning with it.
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9. Again, as discussed before, I'm pretty sure that Autistic boys get taught toxic masculinity more intensively as part of "normalization."
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10. That's not to say that all Autistic men are toxic and no Autistic men can be good relationship partners bc, well, obviously, but also.
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11. There are plenty of books and advice out there that treats Autistic men being abusive to their partners as just expected and normative.
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12. It is NOT. Autistic men are no more destined to be abusive than other people. It is a learned behavior and it can be corrected.
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13. One of the first steps to not being a misogynistic entitled shit is to recognize that you are not entitled to intimacy with anyone.
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14. Stop looking at people you want to have sex with who aren't having sex with you as ppl withholding something you are owed.
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15. Also, I know it's possible to be an Autistic man and not be a shit bc I know Autistic men who aren't shits.
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16. It requires intentionally dealing with your privilege. It's uncomfortable and you will screw up and that will be uncomfortable too.
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17. But you'll be a more decent person. And you still won't be owed sex.
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18. As before when I discussed this, I'm not interested in hearing from non-Autistic ppl who want to demonize Autistic men.
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19. I'm more addressing my own community but ALSO. You should know that if he's being misogynistic, it's not bc he's Autistic.
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20. Being Autistic doesn't make someone abusive, oppressive, or a bigot. If an Autistic person is being those things, you can call them out.
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21. It's not ableism to point out to an Autistic person that they're being harmful. That said, there are certain things to keep in mind.
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22. As Autistic people, we don't always understand the social significance of things we say or do.
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23. We might mirror behavior we've observed being accepted specifically bc it seems acceptable rather than bc it makes sense to us.
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24. That said, we're still responsible for the harm we do and for finding ways to minimize or eliminate or make reparations for that harm.
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25. So again. Yes, if an Autistic person is harming you, it's fine to tell them so.
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26. Apparently this article (screenshot via
@LakeZenobia; thx!) is why this is being talked about again. Ugh.pic.twitter.com/0YtXZHrHbR
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Blecch. Blergh. Gross.
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I said this elsewhere, but it's not that there isn't a problem. It's more that these men have misidentified the problem and its causes.
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To them, the problem isn't that toxic masculinity creates harmful expectations for individuals and relationships.
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