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EbThen's profile
Eb
Eb
Eb
@EbThen

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Eb

@EbThen

Accidental philosopher. Freelance educator. Autistic. Disabled. Bi. Grey-ace. Demi-aro. Filipino-USian. Designer. They/Them @sjwishlists/@modeldeviance

Unceded Haudenosaunee, Miami, Potawatomi land
ebebebeb.com/giddythings
Joined January 2013

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    Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017

    Somehow "InCel" became a topic on Autistic Twitter again and I'm just rolling my eyes like COME THE FUCK ON.

    10:20 AM - 18 May 2017
    • 11 Retweets
    • 99 Likes
    • Amanda Draper Zestalicious ルネー ♪ ♠️🏳️‍🌈🍌 🌒J isn't going away Jasmine Lee thankful bench who loves drama Julia Rose the Snarky Autistic Witch Yuriko98 aven
    2 replies 11 retweets 99 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        If you're not aware, "InCel" = Involuntary Celibacy, and it's a thing a lot of (generally white cishet) Autistic men complain about.

        2 replies 11 retweets 61 likes
      3. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        I get it. We're not all ace-spectrum and sexual health is important. I'm not gonna say, "Come on, you don't NEED sex."

        1 reply 7 retweets 62 likes
      4. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        Some people do. But 1. Masturbation is an option. 2. You are not owed or guaranteed physical or emotional intimacy with anyone.

        1 reply 8 retweets 127 likes
      5. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        3. Paying sex workers is an option, too. It's their job to help provide sexual release if that's a thing you need.

        2 replies 6 retweets 86 likes
      6. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        4. Generally, if you're a man and ppl aren't sexually/romantically interested in you, it's not because you're Autistic.

        2 replies 16 retweets 115 likes
      7. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        5. Yes, I KNOW ableism is a thing and some people do have weird ideas about being in relationships with Autistic ppl.

        1 reply 9 retweets 83 likes
      8. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        6. Based on what I know as an Autistic woman-ish person abt Autistic men, tho, it's not that you're Autistic, it's that you're a shit.

        3 replies 13 retweets 143 likes
      9. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        7. It's that you've internalized a lot of toxic masculinity and you're performing that and people tend to want to avoid that.

        4 replies 10 retweets 134 likes
      10. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        8. As I have discussed before, being Autistic does not negate all of your other privilege or absolve you of reckoning with it.

        1 reply 13 retweets 113 likes
      11. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        9. Again, as discussed before, I'm pretty sure that Autistic boys get taught toxic masculinity more intensively as part of "normalization."

        2 replies 20 retweets 128 likes
      12. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        10. That's not to say that all Autistic men are toxic and no Autistic men can be good relationship partners bc, well, obviously, but also.

        1 reply 8 retweets 72 likes
      13. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        11. There are plenty of books and advice out there that treats Autistic men being abusive to their partners as just expected and normative.

        2 replies 11 retweets 79 likes
      14. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        12. It is NOT. Autistic men are no more destined to be abusive than other people. It is a learned behavior and it can be corrected.

        1 reply 17 retweets 111 likes
      15. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        13. One of the first steps to not being a misogynistic entitled shit is to recognize that you are not entitled to intimacy with anyone.

        2 replies 32 retweets 161 likes
      16. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        14. Stop looking at people you want to have sex with who aren't having sex with you as ppl withholding something you are owed.

        2 replies 51 retweets 202 likes
      17. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        15. Also, I know it's possible to be an Autistic man and not be a shit bc I know Autistic men who aren't shits.

        2 replies 7 retweets 96 likes
      18. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        16. It requires intentionally dealing with your privilege. It's uncomfortable and you will screw up and that will be uncomfortable too.

        1 reply 5 retweets 73 likes
      19. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        17. But you'll be a more decent person. And you still won't be owed sex.

        1 reply 7 retweets 82 likes
      20. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        18. As before when I discussed this, I'm not interested in hearing from non-Autistic ppl who want to demonize Autistic men.

        2 replies 7 retweets 83 likes
      21. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        19. I'm more addressing my own community but ALSO. You should know that if he's being misogynistic, it's not bc he's Autistic.

        1 reply 13 retweets 109 likes
      22. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        20. Being Autistic doesn't make someone abusive, oppressive, or a bigot. If an Autistic person is being those things, you can call them out.

        2 replies 35 retweets 141 likes
      23. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        21. It's not ableism to point out to an Autistic person that they're being harmful. That said, there are certain things to keep in mind.

        1 reply 9 retweets 87 likes
      24. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        22. As Autistic people, we don't always understand the social significance of things we say or do.

        1 reply 8 retweets 78 likes
      25. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        23. We might mirror behavior we've observed being accepted specifically bc it seems acceptable rather than bc it makes sense to us.

        1 reply 11 retweets 93 likes
      26. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        24. That said, we're still responsible for the harm we do and for finding ways to minimize or eliminate or make reparations for that harm.

        1 reply 9 retweets 80 likes
      27. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        25. So again. Yes, if an Autistic person is harming you, it's fine to tell them so.

        1 reply 6 retweets 77 likes
      28. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        26. Apparently this article (screenshot via @LakeZenobia; thx!) is why this is being talked about again. Ugh.pic.twitter.com/0YtXZHrHbR

        Tweet from @tclementsuk (display name: The Autistic Buddha): Involuntary celibacy has terrible effects on #MentalHealth of many autistic men. Time to face this problem. #Autism

Link goes to a Wordpress post entitled The Pain of Celibacy for Autistic men. The beginning of the URL is aspiejournal.wordpress.com.
        2 replies 5 retweets 41 likes
      29. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        Blecch. Blergh. Gross.

        2 replies 1 retweet 51 likes
      30. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        Eb Retweeted Eb

        Anyway.https://twitter.com/erabrand/status/830907231856123905 …

        Eb added,

        Eb @EbThen
        Replying to @EbThen
        1. If my work helps you, you can send me $ or buy me things. http://a.co/85sSulM  http://paypal.me/ebebeb   http://cash.me/$ebebebeb 
        1 reply 4 retweets 29 likes
      31. Eb‏ @EbThen 18 May 2017
        Replying to @EbThen

        I said this elsewhere, but it's not that there isn't a problem. It's more that these men have misidentified the problem and its causes.

        1 reply 9 retweets 53 likes
      32. 24 more replies

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