"I'm sorry" doesn't undo the past, but it conveys important information about current state of mind. It has the failure mode of being intended to say, or being heard as saying, "I assert what I did wasn't too bad and can be fixed with a simple apology, so now forgive me."
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"What I did was wrong and I can't take it back. You're right to be upset. And I hope one day I can make it up to you. But all I can say is, I'm sorry."
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The first one often doesn't work in practice, because you're supposed to figure out exactly how bad it is, based on how the victim reacts. This is an aspect of guess (in ask/guess culture terms) which is I think pretty dominant even in otherwise ask zones.
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https://youtu.be/oICZVpmtL4c from my toddler: “saying I’m sorry is the first step, then how can I help”
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I waited for your call, these rivers of suggestion are driving me away.
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WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN A DAY AGO, MR YUDKOWSKY...
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All of them (and more) Totally correct, I discover tonight. 'Sorry', whilst also being a unpleasantly tolerated information provider, is also a question with little cynicism. Why should I be sorry? How much?
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I think the last one is closest to what I mean (or hope to mean) when I say “I’m sorry” - but given that the short version is so ambiguous and open to interpretation, perhaps being more explicit in the future would be better (and more effective)
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I like that first one
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“You are in a hurry?” said the Musketeer, as pale as a sheet. “Under that pretense you run against me! You say, ‘Excuse me,’ and you believe that is sufficient? Not at all, my young man." (c) Alexandre Dumas
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