Drytown

@Drytown1

My tweets are a big hit with the under-13-followers demographic.

Vrijeme pridruživanja: travanj 2019.

Tweetovi

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    28. sij

    "What's that creep up to now?" I say, watching my neighbor through the peephole.

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 22 sata

    This guy is heading back in to town. His wife has been sick for months, and his recent indiscretions weigh heavily on his mind. He eyes the oncoming cement truck, and feels a pull. He could leave this all behind with one turn of the- Son: I don't want to play hot wheels anymore

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 16 sati

    Me: good shit AC: *hood shit My autocorrect remembers my ghetto ass past

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    22. ožu 2019.

    [Get home from work and my wife is watching Say Yes to the Dress] Me: Can we turn this crap off please? Me 20 minutes later: Oh my god I can't believe she went with the drop waist silhouette, it does nothing for her body.

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    15. velj 2019.

    Guys that wear their hats backwards at the gym have definitely screamed in a prostitute's face about her prices

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    18. sij

    2020 is going to be all about self care and maybe finally inventing a time machine so I can just skip all this and start overthrowing Morlocks instead.

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Dr. Pepper doesn't even taste like doctors

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 22 sata

    if her name's Tiffany she'll do that thing you like. as well as 2 things you've never heard of

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    30 somethings: Ok, I just got on TikTok lol. What now? Me: Have you tried killing yourself?

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 23 sata

    Wife: You couldn't even bother to finish the dishes? Me: I did 3/4 of them Wife: There were only 4 things! Me: I know how fractions work, thank you.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    It’s shower with a friend day today and the only friend I have is my cat. Anyone have any extra bandaids?

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Person: “I like you” Me: “You’re mistaken”

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. velj

    This is a helpful diagram of how to hide from an evil baby

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. sij

    SOCK: good morning! great to see you! yep, out of the drawer we go weeeeee! gonna go for a walk or a run hahaha and down onto the foot we– wait that's not a foot– OH MY GOD– NOOOOOOOOO

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    17. sij

    Whenever I see an account from funny Twitter wade into political Twitter.

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. velj

    When the bad taco hits bottom

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    Lizzie Borden: Which of you should I kill first? Father: Uh, go axe your mother

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    15. stu 2019.

    If I die while masturbating, please make sure my obituary says “she died doing what she loved”.

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  19. 5. velj

    Tweet Contest: Write a tweet about Australia. Me, a 38 y/o waiter at Outback Steakhouse: Yes! Who wasted their life now, dad?!

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    [1776] America: We want the British out [1931] Australia: We want the British out [1947] India: We want the British out [2020] Britain: We want the British out

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    Therapist: It seems like you fall in love too easily Me: What babe?

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