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Our model now predicts another 30 mass shootings before the end of 2023. And Nate tells you the best things to order at an outlet mall food court. All that and more on the next 538 podcast.
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Harlan Crow’s Isle
The millionaire took little buddy Clarence Thomas on more than a three-hour tour, but it’s women’s rights that ended up in reruns.
by Maureen Dowd
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America is suffering from mass shooting fatigue. Here’s why that’s good news for Ron DeSantis.
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Nobody Beats the Liz
SilVal bad girl Elizabeth Holmes may have a bun in oven, but she’s still got blood on her hands. Pay no attention to the gal behind the curtain.
by Maureen Dowd
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A slough-side cafe in deep blue Moss Landing might seem like a strange place to meet Trump supporters. But over the barking of the sea lions you can hear whispers that Biden is the reason the sand dabs are $22.
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Why are authorities essentially taking Elizabeth Holmes' life away? It's not like she was panhandling on the F train.
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We wanted to understand why convicted fraudster Elizabeth Holmes deserves clemency. So we talked to three New York Times reporter at a taco shop in Mission Hills.
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To save his presidency, Joe Biden must pardon Elizabeth Holmes.
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In this Ohio town, it was a tradition: put on a black turtleneck, defraud investors out of billions of dollars, then over to the Lucha Libre taco shop for a softball interview with the Times. But now the woke mob is taking all of that away.
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In a field traditionally dominated by men, Ms. Holmes is now seen as a trailblazer by other female con artists like Anna Delvey.
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"I was admittedly swept up in Liz as an authentic and sympathetic person. She’s gentle and charismatic, in a quiet way."
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“The black turtlenecks are gone. So is the voice. As the convicted Theranos founder awaits prison, she has adopted a new persona: devoted mother.”
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Democrats have a plan to curb gun violence. But how will they pay for it?
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Elizabeth Holmes to join Harvard’s Institute of Politics.
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Are mass shootings themselves a form of constitutionally protected free speech? This yacht-loving Federalist Society judge thinks so.
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Opinion | Arm the Clerks
If a rationally-minded gunman knew the teenager behind the counter was packing, he’d be less likely to open fire at the mall.
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Queen Camilla Seems Lighter in Her New Role - The New York Times
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Charles III Was Crowned King. But Can He Ever Be the Star? - The New York Times
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Hard for me to get upset about the mass shootings when a lot of liberals still think AR stands for assault rifle.
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FWIW, I am in favor of debating the ones who aren’t anti vaccines
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Show this thread
Opinion | The Writers Guild is on strike. Here's Why That's Good News for Trump.
by David Brooks
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Sorry you missed the Kentucky Derby? These sheet-pan mint juleps will make you feel like you were there.
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Flying the Nazi flag, the Hindenburg arrived in New Jersey on this date in 1937, where it exploded in flames, killing all 36 people on board and making eyewitness broadcaster Herb Morrison cry, “Oh, the humanity!” Here’s why that’s bad news for Joe Biden
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It’s understandable that Putin, who I do not support, would want to invade Ukraine. But the West’s proxy war is pure neocon shitlib imperialism.
by Glenn Greenwald
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If the DNC doesn't force Biden to debate Marianne Williamson, RFK Jr., and Vermin Supreme, I'm going to become an even bigger Socialist.
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Ukraine Claims It Shot Down Russia’s Most Sophisticated Missile. Here’s Why That’s Bad News For Joe Biden.
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I’m not an anti-vaxxer, but if CNN doesn’t let RFK Jr. do a televised town hall meeting, I’ll have to vote for Trump again.
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Liberals love to talk about systemic bias when it suits their purposes but does anyone think we'd be talking about Clarence Thomas traveling on a billionaire's yacht, having a billionaire pay his nephew's tuition, and having secret payments funneled to his wife if he was white?
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The Hunt | He wanted to own Balmoral Castle. She wanted to own England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. Which would you choose?
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Replying to
As a show of strength for our civic institutions, both Justice Thomas and King Charles III must reject the cowardice of Abe Fortas and Edward VIII by clinging to power for as long as possible.
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Vivek Ramaswamy, the Wealthy Republican Who Thinks Trump Didn’t Go Far Enough - The New York Times
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Replying to
I’ve watched every episode of The Crown; here’s what I think liberal media gets wrong about monarchs & what Joe Biden can learn from King Charles…
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While we were driving, my husband opened the passenger-side window and tossed a banana peel into the road. I immediately expressed my disgust. My husband’s response was “I’m an adult, so I’ll do as I want.” He refuses to acknowledge that he made a mistake.
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Whether it’s Charles accepting his crown as lifelong king or it’s Clarence Thomas accepting decades of bribes as a lifelong Supreme Court Justice, long-standing political traditions are withstanding the test of time on both sides of the Atlantic.
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Replying to
Why did the UK lose most of its colonies? It went too woke
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