And you may find yourself in a beautiful Oval Office...
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Doktor Zoom
@DoktorZoom
He/him. Wonkette writer & senior editor. I'm just an animal, looking for a home. Retweets do not imply comprehension.
Boise Goddamned IdahoJoined July 2012
Doktor Zoom’s Tweets
When you can't leave the room for five minutes without the cat summoning a demon.
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How do we know it's a Chinese spy balloon and not a gender reveal party about to go horribly, horribly wrong?
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Space Heater Enjoyer and Space Heater Enjoyer Enjoyer
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Damn
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(2/4)…who launched motor life boats from STA Cape Disappointment, the air crews arrived on scene to find the vessel floundering in the surf! The surf made rescue by boat dangerous, so the aircrew decided to lower the rescue swimmer and have the owner enter the water for rescue…
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Tonight on Fox News: Should children watch a Fox Entertainment show that glorified the creator of "Multiple Maniacs" and "Pink Flamingos"?
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LOL. OK, Fox knows its audience, all right.
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George Santos isn't actually two kids in a trenchcoat, but he patented the idea
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He used this to get people to GIVE him money. "Here is an example of how I have good judgement and use money well, and it is in fact Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark"
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You really can’t make this shit up. What a joke.
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Turn Off The Dork
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SCOOP: George Santos told some potential donors he was a producer on the Broadway Spider-Man Musical. Turns out, that wasn't the case.
bloomberg.com/news/articles/
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Checking out "Frog and Toad and their respective very heterosexual relationships."
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Six years ago I spoke about Adnan’s case at and I said my hope was one day Adnan would be here himself to speak. He’s here, I’m here and for the first time ever, we are giving a talk together ❤️❤️❤️
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watching STAR TREK: STRANGE NEW WORLDS and the way they use Toronto’s neglected Ontario Place and the Cinesphere as a rotting, derelict space station kind of breaks my heart.
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Nope, I'm just not going to find that tweet that looked interesting, no matter how far I scroll down, am I?
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A problem for satirists: prominent politicians basically performing the satire before you can write it.
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Marjorie Taylor Greene lamented “there’s not people fighting for regular Americans” such as “the average white male trying to climb the corporate ladder when his problem is being white and male.”
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What's funny about this is that it works for anything. "Maybe if the Biden administration wasn't so busy adding half a million jobs last month and dropping unemployment to historically low levels, it would have seen this Chinese spy balloon coming!"
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Maybe if the Biden Administration wasn’t so worried about banning your gas stoves, they would have seen this Chinese spy balloon coming.
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Cat therapy works
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president biden must immediately authorize our National Mario Brother to quickly destroy the balloon and unleash the coin inside
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For all material purposes, the antivaxxers won. Their decades-long goal to seed their lies into the mainstream and get moderates to bothsides a hate campaign on the backs of people grieving unrelated death has been an unbridled success. This will become apparent in the primaries.
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A hotter ocean is a bigger ocean (the ocean expands as it heats up b/c water molecules start vibrating faster and need more space)
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Did you know that ocean warming alone (w/o additional water from melting ice) will raise sea level by 6-10 inches by 2100? insideclimatenews.org/news/11012023/
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A Caws Celebre
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Unemployment fell to 3.4 percent, the lowest rate since May 1969, when we were almost seven years old and mostly concerned with the high price of Matchbox cars, which we definitely needed more of.
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Since then, the UN has raised money to offload the oil. But now the costs of tankers has added $20 million to the cost, so it sits there, waiting to sink or catch fire.
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I first heard about the potential oil spill crisis involving this tanker off Yemen in this 2021 story. 1.1 million barrels of oil on a derelict ship held together with rubber bands & crossed fingers. Could equal 4 or 5 Exxon Valdez spills ... (1 of 2)
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Texas' gun death rate is 67% higher than California's.
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California Has More Than 100 Gun Laws. Why Don’t They Stop More Mass Shootings? nytimes.com/2023/01/29/us/
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Yeah when you call my name
I salivate like a Pavlov dog
Yeah when you lay me out
My heart is beat louder than a
big bass drum all right
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Thanks to for giving me space to marshal some thoughts on this very ancient and much-storied subject - and to the brilliant for the commission. Bottom line: it’s kinda complex
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Yeah right. It's clearly a time traveling spaceship controlled by giant pandas named Ping and Pong, and it's trying to find the Brady Kids.
Also, the '70s were a strange time to be a kid.
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BEIJING (AP) — China says balloon seen over US airspace is "civilian airship" used for research that blew off course, expresses regret.
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Sure, Tennessee is experiencing one of the country's worst HIV epidemics, but hey, if culture warring meant letting COVID run wild, why do anything about HIV?
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Love it!
(Yeah, I had to look it up, so you do too. Will mute any replies with spoilers)
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Amusing myself by imagining someone outside Newfoundland reading about the strike at Memorial University and staring in utter bewilderment at this picture of someone holding up a sign that says "I Dies For A Barmp!"
cbc.ca/1.6734824
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Stable Diffusion is of no help at all
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Today Republicans talked of bringing guns into Capitol committee rooms.
So tomorrow on my live webcast, "History Matters:"
The Politics of Threats -- and Fear
Join the great History Matters community for a great conversation.
Friday 10AM ET
NCHEteach.org/conversations
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Remember that former officials like DHS Sec. Kirstjen Nielsen and HHS Sec. Alex Azar lied about the previous admin’s ability to reunite families it had ripped apart: nbcnews.com/news/amp/ncna1
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Nearly 1,000 migrant children separated at the U.S.-Mexico border by the Trump administration have yet to be reunited with their parents despite a two-year effort by President Biden reuters.com/world/us/close
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I don't know what movie this is and I don't really want to see it.
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Replying to
Make way for the coming of the Hoverstoats and weep, human park operators
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Need something to spice up your Monday? Here is a thread of Hoverstoats 
#MightyMustelids
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