Doc Around the Clock

@DocAroundThClok

Medical humor, satire, & dad jokes from a Pediatric Emergency Medicine physician.

Vrijeme pridruživanja: travanj 2018.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    Hips do: - bear weight - develop arthritis - dislocate Hips don't: - lie

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  2. [ER] doctor: what’s going on? 5: my tummy hurts doctor: what’s it feel like? 5: what do you mean? doctor: does it feel like you’re being poked with something sharp? 5: doctor: or like it’s twisting into a knot? 5: doctor: 5: it feels like my tummy hurts

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  3. And then I realized I was one of the old people in the hospital

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  4. FYI I like old people, just not in healthcare settings. Or driving school buses at night.

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  5. Working at a children’s hospital it’s easy to forget what “regular” hospitals are like. I stepped into one today and it was all drab colors, boring art, and piped-in harpsichord music. Oh, and there were like old people everywhere. Ick.

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  6. 4. velj

    10: want to hear a joke? doctor: of course! 10: what's the difference between a virus and bacteria? doctor: I don't know, what? 10: then why should I trust you?

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  7. 4. velj

    [med school cafeteria] table of 3rd year med students: [talking] *group of 4th years walks in* 3rd year #1: shhh!...the 4th years are here 3rd year #2: [in awe] oh they’re so cool 4th year: [takes off white coat revealing a second white coat underneath] 3rd years: whooaaa

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    This is hilarious and so on point. We were packing to go on vacay. Me: Please pack the cream for your rash. Son (8) reading the tube: But it says 'Apply locally.'

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  9. 3. velj

    doctor: you broke your arm in two places 8 y.o.: actually it was just at the playground

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  10. 3. velj

    Working in healthcare is cool because you can take random days off to catch up on all the things you can’t get done while at work. Things like patient notes, emails, and required training modules. You know, regular life things.

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  11. 3. velj

    Parenting backfire tonight: 5 yo: [misbehaving] me: hey, do you need a timeout?! 5 yo: mommy told me there’s very few things we need in life me:

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Hips do: - bear weight - develop arthritis - dislocate Hips don't: - lie

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  13. 1. velj

    satan: welcome to hell me: whatever satan: i have the perfect torture for you me: i'm not scared satan: [opens door] all your life's acquaintances are here me: ok satan: and they all have rashes they want to show you me: wh-what steve from the gym: hey, you got a sec?

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    Did you know that 97% of the world is stupid? Luckily I’m in the other 5%.

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  15. 1. velj

    "Pediatric Patients Say the Darnedest Things" me: i heard you have ear pain 8: uh huh me: which ear? 8: both me: [trying to develop trust] which ear do you want me to look in first: the left or the right? 8: how about none of the above

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  16. 1. velj

    kid: [crying with broken arm in splint] me: hey, buddy, I just need to make sure your fingers work ok kid: no me: let me see you wiggle it kid: no me: just a little bit kid: no me: i want to see you wiggle it kid: no me: just a little bit kid’s dad: as it grooves

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  17. 31. sij

    “I’m sorry you feel this way AND that must be hard.” - Pair-a-sympathetic responses

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  18. 31. sij

    [cafe] barista: how do you take your coffee? exhausted, confused post-call resident: I usually just drink it

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  19. 30. sij

    student: the patient says whenever he's stressed his heart races, breathing quickens, and he feels more alert cardiologist: have you ever heard of a sympathetic response? student: yes cardiologist: can you give me an example? student: "I'm sorry you feel this way"?

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    “I’ve CC’d in my boss” - professional - corporate - mildly threatening “You wanna say that in front of Greg?” - confident - threat level 9000 - who is Greg and what is he capable of

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  21. 30. sij

    [ED] resident: [walking out of room] that was a pretty impressive peritonsillar abscess me: agreed resident: have you ever seen a nastier PTA? me: yes resident: when? me: last night at my kid's school

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