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  1. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    4. velj

    dog 911: what’s your emergency dog: there’s an intruder dog 911: is he in your house? dog: no, he’s across the street dog 911: that’s not a problem dog: what if he comes over here? dog 911: OH GOD WHAT IF HE DOES dog: SHOULD I BARK? dog 911: FOR THE LOVE OF DOG YES

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    3. velj

    Me with 29 followers mouthing off to global brands on twitter

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Democrats are so used to their favorites being despised by the public that they've come to see large supporting crowds as suspicious if not sinister.

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    30. sij

    Here are the main facts that you will need to know about children

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij
    Odgovor korisniku/ci

    White women adorned in black framed glasses, pale white makeup, and bright red lipstick with rich parents who paid their way through grad school are the most oppressed group in America though.

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    29. sij

    society: we like instant gratification banks: we take 3-5 business days to process society: we like 24 hour service banks: we open an hour after you go to work and close 2 hours before you get off society: banks: WE WILL CLOSE FOR A DOZEN HOLIDAYS THAT ONLY WE CELEBRATE

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  8. 29. sij
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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    27. sij

    This, for me, is the greatest moment in television history. Can never watch it enough. >>

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  10. 27. sij
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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    24. sij

    Went to drinks last night with four other defense lawyers/former prosecutors. About 120 combined years of criminal practice. Not one of us could think of a time when talking to the cops helped someone avoid charges or where shutting up hurt them. Shut. Your. Mouth.

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    23. sij

    absolutely HATE it when i have been a good little child who wore my sailor suit without complaint but when i ask mother for a delectable treat or perhaps even a rare chance to watch the sailships from afar, but she is feeling melancholic and takes to her parlour to weep

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    23. sij

    I don’t understand how 3D printing works and I get mad when anyone tries to explain it to me. Please just let me believe in magic.

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Jon McNaughton just released his newest painting, depicting Sean Hannity as Paul Revere

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    22. sij

    I love that Tom Nichols complained that I'm just another account that tweets exactly the same stuff as other accounts. Meanwhile his timeline is full of unique sui generis content like "hurr durr impeachment witnesses republicans elections Trump Trump Trump democrats must win."

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    13. sij

    Son: wanna play cops and robbers? Me: [napping on couch] ok i’ll be the cops. Son: you have to chase me. Me: I can’t. Son: why? Me: captain took me off the case. Son: what? Me: [eyes still closed] he said I was a loose cannon and made me turn in my badge and gun.

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    21. sij

    Bernie to Hillary tomorrow: I apologize to Hillary for running against her

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    20. sij

    *opening a can of tuna* Cat: Oh my GOD Me: No- Cat: SECOND dinner?? Me: No, this is m- *taps me with her paw* Cat: Father you have provided SeA MEaT Me: Please stop *jumps up on the counter* Me: Jesus christ Cat: I am BLESSED dad holy fUCK Me: Please don't- Cat: MEEOOOOOOOOOO

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    21. sij

    saying “i play minecraft” -cool in certain groups -overall still sorta lame tho -tbf who doesn’t if we’re being honest saying “i create and destroy worlds” -holy fucken shit -instantly the coolest person in a room -r u god, r u galactus? nobody knows

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