Every time I see a journalist listing the work they're most proud of in 2017, I consider contributing but just end up in tears over the Grenfell Tower fire. I've covered housing for years. It's an unpopular beat.
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I was alerted to the fire early and tried my best to use my knowledge to let people know what was probably exacerbating what seemed to be an unbelievably fierce fire given how tower blocks are supposed to work in terms of fire safety.
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I was as sensitive as I could be with survivors, former tenants, and locals. I tried to explain how close-knit the estate was and who lived in the tower, and the history of the community.
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I used my knowledge of architecture and planning afterwards to explain how the refurbishment may have compromised the safety of the building. Fought against people who claimed tower blocks were the issue.
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But I wondered why we hadn't picked up on it before. I checked my emails, no one from Grenfell had emailed me. No time to scout blogs. But for every person who emailed me, I was able to pick up maybe one in ten complaints at best as a freelancer.
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I worked at Inside Housing magazine before but was laid off due to staffing cuts. The usual story across the media. And now I struggle endlessly with the guilt of knowing that everything I don't follow up could end in a terrible situation.
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I've slept terribly since the fire, and when people ask how you've coped you don't tell them you haven't. I watched the fire, I didn't escape it. My trauma is minimal in comparison. But I don't feel I can ever do enough for those who died or escaped.
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Replying to @DawnHFoster
I thought you did a fantastic job with your coverage of Grenfell Dawn, far and away ahead of any media source. Think your work in general is fab, particularly for an unpopular beat. Happy Christmas x
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msdawnfoster@gmail.com Tusk is the best Fleetwood Mac album. Only care about LFC.