Every time I see a journalist listing the work they're most proud of in 2017, I consider contributing but just end up in tears over the Grenfell Tower fire. I've covered housing for years. It's an unpopular beat.
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But I wondered why we hadn't picked up on it before. I checked my emails, no one from Grenfell had emailed me. No time to scout blogs. But for every person who emailed me, I was able to pick up maybe one in ten complaints at best as a freelancer.
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I worked at Inside Housing magazine before but was laid off due to staffing cuts. The usual story across the media. And now I struggle endlessly with the guilt of knowing that everything I don't follow up could end in a terrible situation.
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I've slept terribly since the fire, and when people ask how you've coped you don't tell them you haven't. I watched the fire, I didn't escape it. My trauma is minimal in comparison. But I don't feel I can ever do enough for those who died or escaped.
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The world is terrible at the moment: as soon as one catastrophe ends another has begun. I just don't feel that we have the media to report it any more, and as budgets shrink so does our coverage in spite of our will.
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The Guardian get a lot of stick for the pop ups asking for contributions, but in the midst of the fire I was proud of almost all of our coverage, our team and just wished we had greater capacity. I worry that's unlikely in the future given the media landscape.
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End of conversation
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msdawnfoster@gmail.com Tusk is the best Fleetwood Mac album. Only care about LFC.