Every time I see a journalist listing the work they're most proud of in 2017, I consider contributing but just end up in tears over the Grenfell Tower fire. I've covered housing for years. It's an unpopular beat.
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I used my knowledge of architecture and planning afterwards to explain how the refurbishment may have compromised the safety of the building. Fought against people who claimed tower blocks were the issue.
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But I wondered why we hadn't picked up on it before. I checked my emails, no one from Grenfell had emailed me. No time to scout blogs. But for every person who emailed me, I was able to pick up maybe one in ten complaints at best as a freelancer.
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I worked at Inside Housing magazine before but was laid off due to staffing cuts. The usual story across the media. And now I struggle endlessly with the guilt of knowing that everything I don't follow up could end in a terrible situation.
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I've slept terribly since the fire, and when people ask how you've coped you don't tell them you haven't. I watched the fire, I didn't escape it. My trauma is minimal in comparison. But I don't feel I can ever do enough for those who died or escaped.
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The world is terrible at the moment: as soon as one catastrophe ends another has begun. I just don't feel that we have the media to report it any more, and as budgets shrink so does our coverage in spite of our will.
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The Guardian get a lot of stick for the pop ups asking for contributions, but in the midst of the fire I was proud of almost all of our coverage, our team and just wished we had greater capacity. I worry that's unlikely in the future given the media landscape.
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End of conversation
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You should be proud of your work in 2017 submit your best Look forward to reading it
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msdawnfoster@gmail.com Tusk is the best Fleetwood Mac album. Only care about LFC.