Is it socially acceptable to send the 12 people late paying my invoices the Countdown video as I inch closer to rent/gas/the internet being due at the end of the week
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Also unsure whether to try sleeping in a woolly hat, or build some kind of gaffa-taped pillow fort to my headboard/walls to stop endlessly waking up with head bruises/black eyes. Immensely glamorous illness, helped by stress, wahey

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I am not a dentist, but it might. Definitely worth asking your dentist or epilepsy specialist about it.
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from a purely physics based standpoint, if it can protect the teeth from grinding together, i'm sure it could protect your tongue, as the teeth are harder than the tongue, so the guard might work.
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You have to ask for the heavy duty stuff when you get the moulding done. My first cracked because I grind my teeth a lot in my sleep (got it because of TMJ) and they used the default material. 2nd has indentations but still holds up nicely.
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Don't get the soft guards. People bite through them a lot. I have a Michigan splint for TMJ disorder (a hard guard, professionally fitted). It's stopped me biting my cheeks in my sleep (according to the dentist).
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They are very expensive though
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Wouldn't it help to talk to a GP about this? Maybe they could help to reduce the inflamation. My heart goes out to you
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