I guarantee no one can have a smear test more embarrassing than my first one, so will tell you my story so that you book yours, knowing it will go swimmingly in comparison.
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She pursed her lips and said "You really should. Quite often. In fact, you should do it every time you cream yourself." Now. In hindsight, I realise by "cream" she presumably meant "moisturise". But where I grew up "cream" had a very different connotation than that, for teenagers
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I was almost hysterical but could not show it. Had to keep my face completely straight. My stomach muscles were almost herniating as I tried to stop myself convulsing like a puerile child. The tension had to go somewhere. The plastic speculum shot out of it's own accord.
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It shattered on the floor. She paused, turned to look at the shrapnel, and deadpan said "No problems with the pelvic floor then" as she left the room to fetch another.
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End of conversation
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msdawnfoster@gmail.com Tusk is the best Fleetwood Mac album. Only care about LFC.