I researched what to wear beforehand and asked friends what it was like, as a nervous 25-year old. Long skirt and flip-flops was the reply, in summer, to you don't have to walk around the room barefoot with no jeans on.
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Hopped onto the examining bed, made myself relax, she inserted the speculum, and started peeling the wrapper off the swab, then asked me "How often do you check your breasts for lumps?" Me: "Never."
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She pursed her lips and said "You really should. Quite often. In fact, you should do it every time you cream yourself." Now. In hindsight, I realise by "cream" she presumably meant "moisturise". But where I grew up "cream" had a very different connotation than that, for teenagers
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I was almost hysterical but could not show it. Had to keep my face completely straight. My stomach muscles were almost herniating as I tried to stop myself convulsing like a puerile child. The tension had to go somewhere. The plastic speculum shot out of it's own accord.
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It shattered on the floor. She paused, turned to look at the shrapnel, and deadpan said "No problems with the pelvic floor then" as she left the room to fetch another.
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I’ve been dreading getting my first letter as I’m a nervous laugher. But in an odd way, yeah your embarrassment has actually helped - definitely taking one for the team
@DawnHFoster. Just got to make sure I don’t start laughing if remembering the story during the appointment... -
If it's of any consolation, it takes about five seconds, doesn't hurt at all and it isn't even embarassing. I was stunned after my first one, I thought it would be way worse, it was barely a blip.
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Crying (with laughter) here. Dawn for PM
Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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HOLD MY BEER
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My first smear. I was the first of my friends to get one, so had no clue what was coming. Climbed up onto the table, and sat with my knees pressed together. The nurse said "If you could just swing your legs to the side"...
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msdawnfoster@gmail.com Tusk is the best Fleetwood Mac album. Only care about LFC.