The Jedi seem totally cool and competent.
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FIANCÉE: “Do you think Yoda f*cked during this movie and that’s where Baby Yoda comes from?”
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God, the Padme-Anakin relationship is soooooo fucked up. PADME: Stop looking at me so creepily, Anakin. ANAKIN: No, I’m going to stare at you more and talk to Obi Wan about how I want to watch you sleep.
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Also, seems totally cool and normal for the Jedi to assign a young man with a creepy sexual fixation on a high-level politician to be her bodyguard. What could go wrong?pic.twitter.com/eQpCRiy4bn
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Obi Wan now at a ‘50s diner in a galaxy far, far away.
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This is less offensively bad than Phantom Menace, but considerably more incompetent.
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Like, it’s been trying to be a film noir for the first act, but it’s absolutely terrible at it.
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Anakin explaining that the Jedi way is basically a Westerner’s stereotype of Buddhism mixed with Catholicism’s celibacy. You’d think there would be a Jedi Reformation movement or something.
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FIANCÉE: “I can’t believe Anakin murders all of these children.”
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Padme casually dropping that she was as popular as Ronald Reagan. “They tried to amend the constitution for me, no big deal.”
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FIANCÉE: “I like how he’s always trying to mansplain things to her. It makes him seem like more of a dick.”
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Seems totally normal that the Jedi would trust a clone army they only discovered through a political assassination plot engineered by the guy who created the clone army to fight alongside them in a major war.
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Padme having a totally platonic wrestling match in a meadow with a space Hitler Youth.
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ANAKIN: “I want to have sex with you so much it’s literally consuming me with a fire.” PADME: “No.” ANAKIN: “What if I expound on my views about fascism more?” PADME: “Well...”
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The tortured genius who rejects the weak-willed tenants of liberal democracy slowly wins the heart of the strong-willed sexy liberal feminist leader through the sheer strength of his will.
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Jango Fett seems less like a character out of a spaghetti Western and more like the no. 3 bad guy who gets killed in the second act of a Die Hard sequel.
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I suppose to Lucas’s credit, Anakin is supposed to be the bad guy and fascism is supposed to be *bad* in the context of the movie. The fact that Vader is unintentially whiny, pathetic, and annoying just makes the fascism scene less appealing.
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But the whole notion that the strong-willed liberal feminist can’t help but be seduced and dominated by the alt-right hero is... not great.
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This whole movie is so disjointed. It jumps from half-assed space film noir to half-assed political thriller to half-assed romance with alt-right undertones to half-asses Boba Fett origin story and we’re now on a half-assed version of The Searchers.
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Oh, not to mention a half-assed Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru origin story.
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*Anakin wipes out a village of Sand People* Ah, THERE’S the racism.
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At least in The Mandalorian the Tuskens are portrayed as, y’know, actual *people* with legitimate claims to the land instead of mindless savages.
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Yeah, Anakin tells Padme he straight up committed genocide and she still f*cks him. Because she can “feel the good in him” or something.https://twitter.com/tom_c_strand/status/1224151850720485376?s=20 …
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FIANCÉE: “So why does Natalie Portman f*ck him? He’s such a manchild!”
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Seems like the Jedi should be somewhat more credulous about the whole conveniently created clone army that *definitely* has ties to the Separatist movement.
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So is Count Dooku like... a good guy or something? He’s basically explaining the entire plot of the emperor to Obi Wan.
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Oh, right. He’s like the replacement for Darth Maul. But this movie would be a LOT better if Dooku turned out to be the good guy.
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The Jedi are so goddamn stupid that I could totally see one of their more politically savvy members noping the fuck out and starting his own anti-Dark Side crusade.
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Why does Yoda suddenly trust the army that was mysteriously cloned ten years ago from a guy who’s a political assassin and *definitely* connected to the very rebels they’re supposed to be fighting?
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