I feel that this was respectful of two simultaneous truths. Tony was an amazingly beautiful and wonderful person and also deeply complicated. He was a genius and like a lot of geniuses, wounded. He used the wrong tools to cope.https://twitter.com/MariaThomas/status/1335288674867613700 …
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I’ve expressed my worry to him many times about his drinking and the last time we spoke about it, he held my hands and said “Cyan, I have a doctor and he checks me often and he says I’m fine. If he ever tells me I’m not fine, I will quit in that moment”.
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I told him it won’t be that easy, but Tony seemed to bend other things to his will. I still, decided to express my worry to him whenever I saw him and his responses were similar. He was hell-bent on self-medication.
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Unfortunately, he also hired a doctor who apparently told him whatever he wants to hear. Perhaps he also had some friends who did the same, but the choice was still his and I’m not sure what could have been done about any of it.
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Tony was highly functional with his drinking. He would even ask me, “can you tell I’ve had anything to drink? Is there anything wrong with me? No? Then don’t worry”.
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This all doesn’t negate the work he did to try and find and teach “happiness”, but it does point out that those seeking it, often don’t have it yet. If you know someone seeking it, it’s already inside of them. There’s no external way to get it.
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Also, one thing the article gets wrong is that some people he hired 2x their best salary, he didn’t see them when they showed up. So, they were not all enablers. Some were there to do real work. That’s too broad of a brush and not accurate.
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One of the things Tony marveled about me, is that I can have a *lot* of fun sober. We’d often get really goofy and he’d double and triple check if I had anything to drink. I rarely and almost never do. He asked me lots of questions about how I did it (get goofy)
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I told him I just get high on life and when other people are also this way it is contagious. If I could go back in time, I would tell him we are all children inside still and that joy and sense of wonder is there underneath trauma. It’s in all of us. I love you Tony.
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oh, jeez, that’s beautiful Cyan 
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