and he'll eat my stews and soups that have carrots and onions and potatoes
but lets be real if your mom asks if you've eaten a vegetable and you're like YEAH I HAD ONIONS AND POTATOES 

you know that doesn't count
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and each individual preference is so reasonable he doesn't expect me to cook for him and in fact he's overwhelmed whenever I do he isn't some stereotype of a manchild at all frequently dresses better than I do manages his life very well all by himself
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oh and get this in trying to ask for his dietary preferences he just said "oh I don't like cruciferous vegetables" which sounds 100% reasonable if you're just super into this guy and trying not to be weird or offputting anyways I was a victim of motivated ignorance here
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but you know what "cruciferous vegetable" includes? ALL. OF THEM
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fucking nice smart competent Midwestern boy who can quote Shakespeare and gets his clothes tailored it's a lie it's all a goddamn lie crafted over decades to conceal the fact that he has the dietary preferences of a fucking teenage mutant ninja turtle
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you want to talk about psychedelic insight well this is my psychedelic insight I'm going to have this man's children and try to figure out how to get them to eat a vegetable or at least TRY IT before being swayed by their father's barbarian habits
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fueled by the exasperated distress of a thousand grandmothers before me rn I don't even know why it seems so important to make people I love eat vegetables okay I KNOW all of the arguments I know the sad state of nutrition science I don't care
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I will not forcefeed my children if they don't like vegetables but I will worry and I have no idea why
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ok some of you are like "haha bachelor laziness/efficiency amirite" get it straight eigen is hiding his peas under his plate levels here
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after I ranted to eigen for 1.5 hours about the fact that he won't eat vegetables he put "Take Me As I Am" from goddamn fucking RENT and started making out with me asshole
15 replies 4 retweets 271 likesShow this thread
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