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DanielleFong's profile
𝓓𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑒 𝓕𝑜𝑛𝑔, 𝕖𝕩-𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕕𝕚𝕘𝕪
𝓓𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑒 𝓕𝑜𝑛𝑔, 𝕖𝕩-𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕕𝕚𝕘𝕪
𝓓𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑒 𝓕𝑜𝑛𝑔, 𝕖𝕩-𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕕𝕚𝕘𝕪
@DanielleFong

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𝓓𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑒 𝓕𝑜𝑛𝑔, 𝕖𝕩-𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕕𝕚𝕘𝕪

@DanielleFong

𝔞 𝔟𝔩𝔞𝕤𝔱 𝔣𝔯𝔬𝔪 𝔱𝕙𝖊 𝔭𝔞𝔰𝔱 𝕝𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕝 𝟛𝟚 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕔𝕖𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕤, 𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕕𝕔𝕠𝕣𝕖 𝕞𝕠𝕕𝕖

.earth  🌎
daniellefong.com
Joined February 2008

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    1. φantasy  ✨‏ @maltybegray May 11
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      when you get to the numb place where fight/flight are gone and everything has frozen you thaw back out through more panic so in another hour I try not to take it out on myself but it takes all my focus, I still hit, leave bruises. I stomped my foot so hard I’m limping now lol.

      1 reply 0 retweets 19 likes
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    2. φantasy  ✨‏ @maltybegray May 11
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      I eventually find something true in my head and use it to reorient myself & come out of the hell space. This time it was the realization that I’ve never firmly expressed to myself the belief that a full & functional recovery from whatever c-ptsd/ptsd I have is possible

      1 reply 0 retweets 21 likes
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    3. φantasy  ✨‏ @maltybegray May 11
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      I was not doing awesome socially or emotionally before I got into the rough relationship that I like to let dominate in the narrative of my life. I want so badly to heal and especially to genuinely trust deeply again.

      2 replies 0 retweets 24 likes
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    4. φantasy  ✨‏ @maltybegray May 11
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      he had been the only person I had really trusted ever, I had a rough fit with my family of origin and I was very alienated and bullied all through school, and so I’ve withheld trust from myself since as punishment for what happened, as a punishment for letting myself get hurt

      1 reply 0 retweets 24 likes
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    5. φantasy  ✨‏ @maltybegray May 11
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      and as much as I have wanted to recover and fought to feel better, I think there’s been this lingering belief that I am irreparable, that I was broken even before the violence and the violence brought my personality past some point of no return

      1 reply 0 retweets 22 likes
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    6. φantasy  ✨‏ @maltybegray May 11
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      change takes two things- wanting it and knowing it’s possible and it has been really confusing and painful to be fighting and hurting in my recovery but I see now that I’ve been pushing extremely hard from the wanting to change side w/o supporting myself w salient possibilities

      1 reply 0 retweets 27 likes
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    7. φantasy  ✨‏ @maltybegray May 11
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      it um hurts a lot. it hurts to go to the “it’s possible side”. this is just alive rn so idk why it’s like this yet. I guess it’s gentler in a way that is paradoxically sharply painful. I feel a tremendous amount of shame and the urge to try to cut it out of myself is oppressive.

      1 reply 0 retweets 25 likes
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    8. φantasy  ✨‏ @maltybegray May 11
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      I actually don’t know any women who have had an abusive relationship and got through it and repaired their capacity to robustly feel trust and intimacy. *heavy sigh* women did not treat me well growing up and they v much made it worse for me when I was enduring violence from men

      4 replies 0 retweets 29 likes
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    9. 𝓓𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑒 𝓕𝑜𝑛𝑔, 𝕖𝕩-𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕕𝕚𝕘𝕪‏ @DanielleFong May 11
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      Replying to @maltybegray

      💔😔💙

      1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
    10. φantasy  ✨‏ @maltybegray May 11
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      Replying to @DanielleFong

      so sorry I know this is such a bummer I will do a really funny clown bit for everybody later so promise 😅

      1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      𝓓𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑒 𝓕𝑜𝑛𝑔, 𝕖𝕩-𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕕𝕚𝕘𝕪‏ @DanielleFong May 11
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      Replying to @maltybegray

      oh, no, actually I feel you, not bummed out just sharing a little bit of my heart via resonance. it is hard! abuse is very hard. 💓

      7:55 AM - 11 May 2020
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