This was it. This was the final piece of the puzzle!! I read this and everything finally started to click into place. Ego/identity, self/construct, what I am and what I've been experiencing, it all started to cascade.https://twitter.com/liminal_warmth/status/1252031689380868096 …
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*Caution* *Rebranding in progress* Retweeted *Caution* *Rebranding in progress*
Past events in this case was a fragmentation of identity in high school. When I realized I was trans, I developed a seperate cognition as a way to express in otherwise dangerous conditions. It was, at one point, fairly developed.https://twitter.com/CrisprChild/status/1252110388537241606?s=20 …
*Caution* *Rebranding in progress* added,
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It was not an intentional thing back then, it was a survival mechanism. It was not done with understanding. When I finally got to better circumstances (physically and mentally) I managed to coalesce those identities, but it was not graceful, and it was not even.
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I am probably more of that projection now than my original identity. The experience created a disconnect between my identity and my ego. I always assumed that was a bad thing, that I needed to repair that connection. That I had damaged myself and wasn't working properly.
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But it's not!!! I am not my identity, and I don't need to be! People are not real, we are just constructs we make to experience life. I am free now to build and manipulate "myself" as a person, or fragment and coalesce when needed. Identity is utilitarian.
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Expand and contract, ego annealing, *I* am something else behind it all. This all came together last night, everything was cascading into understanding, realization, I tried to meditate on it and I triggered some sort of break. It was incredible.
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I woke up this morning and I had a long conversation with a stranger about it all. Who and what we are, means of effecting change within ourselves and within the world, what to make of it all. Ive been clawing at these ideas for so long, not really understanding what I was doing
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It's all just... So big. So much makes sense now. It's astonishing how much different I am from even 48 hours ago. It feels like all the world and all experience just opened up to me All I have to do now is decide what I want and do it. :)
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