27/ I have literally sat in an office with my CTO at the time as he criticized an openly trans woman who worked there as being sensationalized and flaunting her sex life and he told me that he thought "trans people were sick in the head" AT WORK
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28/ And in my classic style I kind of listened to him for a bit and then gently challenged his preconceptions and suggested maybe he was wrong about that and discussed it with him and pushed him to take a different perspective
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29/ But I still feel pretty ashamed that I wasn't brave enough to just tell him I was trans myself and he liked me just fine and respected me and thought I was smart and cool and close enough with him that he felt comfortable saying that
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30/ Because honestly I was in an executive role and that woman probably would have appreciated the support of having me be a little more visible The trans people at the office all knew I was trans, I'm certain But I'm a coward
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31/ And honestly that would have made things very hard for me at that job AND at my next job because of the lack of emotional sensitivity in the executive suite and the kind of conservative bent of the place I was working... I mean I think the CTO was somewhat representative
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32/ And the thing is that even though I've been very fortunate in my personal life both work and online have not felt like safe spaces to be myself for me I just don't want people to be mean to me ever I'm very nice
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33/ Years ago I was doing a Twitch stream to promote a book I'd written and I thought it would just be a fun stunt for my fans to watch me play a game that had inspired some of my writing It was really fun for the first six hours and I had like 30-50 people hanging in channel
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34/ I didn't say I was trans but I didn't say I was cis either--I just didn't bring it up and had fun joking around with the fans and playing my game. I LOVED it. And then a couple of assholes popped into the channel one day
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35/ They said some really shitty things to me that hurt my feelings a lot but the one that really sticks with me and will probably always stick with me a little was, "You almost had me fooled, but I can hear the balls in your voice"
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36/ My husband was livid because these jerks came into my playground and were just being mean because they could But for me it just triggered all my shame. I remember feeling like I should have expected this, and not only that, that I deserved it.
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That’s awful. 
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