23/ Because the truth is that not only am I ashamed of myself, but I'm ashamed of the internalized feelings I have about myself. I work so hard to not feel that way and it's so hard to deprogram yourself from a lifetime of shitty self-talk and shame.
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24/ And actually, this thread is already helping me. Like this is the first time I've EVER talked about this in a public channel even though tons of people in my personal life know and love me and haven't ever made me feel bad about it
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25/ And the funny thing is that I've never even run into much transphobia. I've been extraordinarily fortunate. Most people have not been dicks to me, or if they've said shitty things in front of me, they did so not knowing I was trans
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26/ It's weird what people will say about trans people sometimes when they don't read you as trans and you have a reputation for being kind and charitable with all kinds of view points, including very conservative ones
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27/ I have literally sat in an office with my CTO at the time as he criticized an openly trans woman who worked there as being sensationalized and flaunting her sex life and he told me that he thought "trans people were sick in the head" AT WORK
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28/ And in my classic style I kind of listened to him for a bit and then gently challenged his preconceptions and suggested maybe he was wrong about that and discussed it with him and pushed him to take a different perspective
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29/ But I still feel pretty ashamed that I wasn't brave enough to just tell him I was trans myself and he liked me just fine and respected me and thought I was smart and cool and close enough with him that he felt comfortable saying that
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30/ Because honestly I was in an executive role and that woman probably would have appreciated the support of having me be a little more visible The trans people at the office all knew I was trans, I'm certain But I'm a coward
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31/ And honestly that would have made things very hard for me at that job AND at my next job because of the lack of emotional sensitivity in the executive suite and the kind of conservative bent of the place I was working... I mean I think the CTO was somewhat representative
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32/ And the thing is that even though I've been very fortunate in my personal life both work and online have not felt like safe spaces to be myself for me I just don't want people to be mean to me ever I'm very nice
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I feel you girl.
I feel you.
I hate being put in a position where I have to insist, break someone’s flow in order to even be, but it’s been the situation.
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