my venmo is dana-schwartz-11 I will need the money deposited in advanced, and your obituary will need to be published in a newspaper so I can write a code on the back and leave it at your grave for someone to find. the code will be nonsense.
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EXCUSE ME I HAVE TO FIND A VINTAGE CIGARETTE HOLDER STAT. I HAVE A FUNERAL TO MOROSELY GAZE UPON.pic.twitter.com/hOeQcSggdX
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people venmoing me: jokes on you, I'm actually coming to your funeral.
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ok don't actually venmo me you guys, just buy my bookhttps://www.amazon.com/Choose-Your-Disaster-Dana-Schwartz/dp/1478970391 …
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I will pay you $50 if you show up on my birthday but stand really far away, holding a bouquet of flowers and gifts
, so that my wife
think I am still in the race. -
Funeral to follow

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Ummmmm.... I'll pay you $50 to do exactly this. Add this on top of slowly playing the music to a jack in the box the entire time my casket is closed and its gonna be one hell of a funeral
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Dana, could you visit me in a nursing home and/or a dementia ward in a grim reaper’s outfit carrying a scythe, in about 30 years?
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For $80 can you also silently dab away tears from behind a pair of large dark sunglasses?
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Do not forget sunglasses!
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There was someone like that at the last funeral I attended. Your business is obviously doing well.
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I’d say that’s cheap, you’ll incur some heavy travel expenses, would I be invoiced for those? And the ware & tear on the umbrella?
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I'll pay you a 100 to show up to my wedding and ruin it Time the entry and show up when "speak now"is announced
#ColdFeet
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I almost put this on FB then remembered my aunt just died, my family would whoop my ass
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Can you disguise yourself as me and smoke a cigarette as you stand a row or 2 away from my funeral while you look at it go on so people think I faxed my death
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Faster if you just text it. Sorry... had to.


Pray for me! 
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