Damien FaheyVerified account

@DamienFahey

Writer for Family Guy

Los Angeles, CA
damienfahey.com
Joined February 2009
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  1. Retweeted
    Jul 4

    any info on JADE LOGUE, please call 1-800-THE-LOST. for LEO's, this child is MISSING-not a runaway- Special Category Missing

    Jade Logue's been since 6/27 from Brooklyn. Have ANY info about 's child? Call at 1-800-THE-LOST!
    141 replies 9,178 retweets 5,735 likes
  2. Jun 29

    Sean Hannity looks like the kinda guy waitresses do nervous silent nods to each other about when he enters a steakhouse.

    25 replies 221 retweets 1,682 likes
  3. Jun 28

    After putting on the sixth necklace everyday, I bet Johnny Depp kinda regrets committing so hard to always looking like that.

    20 replies 195 retweets 1,127 likes
  4. Jun 17

    Adults need an app that alerts us when we are being secretly photographed in public by mean teenagers.

    8 replies 112 retweets 652 likes
  5. Jun 11

    No one's ever driven a Corolla faster than 45 mph.

    17 replies 27 retweets 260 likes
  6. Jun 8

    “Mr. Fahey is next” “Mr. Comey, my colleague is wheeling in a hoop. Can you dunk this basketball for us?” *dunks* “Sick. That’s all I have."

    5 replies 96 retweets 375 likes
  7. Jun 7

    Scary thought: Someone somewhere has video of you dancing at a concert.

    14 replies 138 retweets 494 likes
  8. Jun 6

    My Untuckit shirt lets women at the bar know I’m going to become an issue around midnight.

    33 replies 431 retweets 3,833 likes
  9. Jun 4

    Whenever I see someone asleep on a plane I think, "Wow. That's how they're going to look when they're dead."

    3 replies 30 retweets 237 likes
  10. May 18

    I’d like to extend my deepest sympathies to the mortician who’ll have to deal with Roger Ailes big fat nude body.

    7 replies 49 retweets 432 likes
  11. Apr 28

    Uh-oh. Your tenth smartest friend is posting inspirational quotes again.

    6 replies 190 retweets 622 likes
  12. Apr 21

    If you hear, “He never had a bad word to say about anybody”, you're at a boring guy's funeral.

    8 replies 89 retweets 501 likes
  13. Apr 19

    If FOX is looking for an O'Reilly replacement, I'd just like to say I've hosted TV before and am too shy to even look most women in the eye.

    10 replies 69 retweets 776 likes
  14. Apr 15

    Marriage is mostly hearing a muffled, “Remember, we have that thing tonight” through a wall.

    1 reply 63 retweets 394 likes
  15. Apr 13

    Kinda had it with the "Thanks for all the birthday love! You guys rock!" Facebook people.

    7 replies 122 retweets 724 likes
  16. Apr 11

    Fucking heartbreaking to see a restaurant just now start using Mason jars for glasses.

    17 replies 145 retweets 1,053 likes
  17. Apr 9

    Jared Kushner's the kinda guy who yells, "Play Kokomo!" at a Beach Boys concert.

    59 replies 723 retweets 3,487 likes
  18. Apr 8

    Oh great. The person who took twelve minutes in the restaurant bathroom was a sweaty chef who clearly just took a shit.

    17 replies 54 retweets 334 likes
  19. Apr 7

    If you're an elderly person eating, don't even think about not having a chunk of food stuck to your face throughout the entire meal.

    2 replies 20 retweets 164 likes
  20. Apr 6

    Band of Brooks Brothers

    29 replies 186 retweets 913 likes

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