Captain Daggers McTimbers  🏳️‍🌈 🗡

When I left my ex over a year ago, I was a long lamb. It struck me… I didn’t actually know myself that well. Everything I’d learned over 9 years wasn’t me. He didn’t like musicals and pop music, so neither did I. I was moulded info being ‘perfect’

But even in that, I was never enough. The straw that broke the camels back was not being allowed to say how I felt, I hid it away. And I became placid through fear of what he’d say because his words did all the damage they needed to.

For years, I slept in a bed full of dirt because he’d get the dog super muddy and get cross if I asked him not to let her sleep on my pillow. He worked away a lot and we never had money (for some reason) and he left me in a freezing cold house with no money for the gas meter

In the last year of it, I could barely afford to eat and dropped down to a size 6. When a friend came over to help me move my stuff, she cried at my living conditions. After all this, it’s taken a lot to feel ‘worthy’ of love. It’s taken a hell of a fight to get here

I still get fearful sometimes and it takes a lot for me to trust someone. I guess that’s why talking publicly helps - it’s in the open so it can’t be misinterpreted. I’m still in recovery, but I feel loved. Not only that - I feel like I deserve this love.

Pick your people wisely. You’re worthy of their love, you’re worth the universe. If you’re going through recovery: I love you, I see you, I believe you. Now I’m going to cuddle the heck out of my person